Today was a day of many unexpected tears. Because my heart aches.
It seemed to come out of nowhere, and it felt like it may have been a couple things, but the more I thought about it, the more that I realized there were many layers.
You see, I live in Utah now as of just after last Christmas in 2025.
And today, some of my friends got married in Louisville, KY, where I moved from.
I talked to a very dear old roommate from Louisville, KY today.
I met for a bookclub with some friends from where I now live in Utah.
I talked to with one of those friends about some things that our hearts longed to talk to another friend about - and we had that sweet, "Oh, you, too?" moment...
I talked with a friend about some really, really hard things...
And so my heart aches.
Some more background from the past two weeks may be helpful for context concerning some of more layers:
Last week, the little Baptist church that I am a member of put on a kids' camp here in Utah.
This is not your ordinary VBS, Rather, the church members have created and prepared everything in house, refining it over the last 8 years, rather than outsourcing the content and literature. Additionally, while some of the kids attending are from families in our congregation or fellow church friends, most of the children are from LDS and unbelieving families. So primarily, this is a very evangelistic and gospel-centered kids' camp. So it's an all-hands-on-deck kinda situation... (If you had been here for the kids' camp a couple weeks ago, that might've made yer laugh, because our theme were pirates. ;) *I hope you read that in a piratey voice!)
That week, a church from Jackson, TN, a church from Richfield, KY, and another church in Jackson, TN that my pastor and his family were sent from all came out to help us for the camp. (The church that my pastor was sent from is also my previous church. The longest I have lived and been a part of any community in all of my life was with that church - for 11 years from 2011 to 2022. So to see this church family from the past was so sweet.)
Also we had 2 interns here for the summer from my previous aforementioned church in Jackson, TN. One of our two summer interns I have known since he was about 3, and he is now the age I was when I first met him and his family.
The Lord is so kind to us in so many ways.
But, then it was over, and we were all very tired. And the next day on Saturday after it was over, I took the team from my previous church back to the airport, and I took the intern who I have known since he was little back to the airport on Monday morning this past week.
And so I miss them.
And like I mentioned earlier, some of my friends got married today in Louisville, KY.
I was not there; I am here in Utah today.
And so my heart aches. You see, they were my friends from the church I left in Kentucky, to move here. And I miss that church so terribly also, even while this church in Utah becomes my home a little more each day.
And so my heart aches.
Not because Jackson or Louisville are the most wonderful and beautiful of places that I have lived, though I have loved them more than most of the places that I have lived until now. But because they are home because my people are there.
And so I have a home all of the world, even places that I have never lived or even ever been to, because there are people I love who know the Lord there. And here in Utah, and all over the world, is my home for now, and so my heart aches to all be together.
As the old hymn goes:
"We meet to part, but part to meet, when earthly labors are complete."
The Lord is so kind to us in so many ways.
This life - it is full of great joy, while it's hard, and my heart aches for heaven, when the saints will be all together with the Lord forever.
And so this beautiful song (with the words recorded just below) gave me much comfort today, because I know I am exactly where I should be.
performed by Andrew Peterson,
from the Psallos album, Philippians,
written and composed by Cody Curtis
There is a joy my heart knows well
like a river knows the bending land
water winds where the sunlight swells
and brightens the night of man
even in this prison, with death at hand
Life on earth is hard but good
Jesus brings the suffering peace
Christ, my joy and hope till final breath
Christ, in life or death
But, I long to go home, I want to go home
There is a hope that calms my fear
Like Job in his darkest days
As the Lord brings courage near
He drives out the dread of shame
Be it in freedom or the grave
Life on earth is hard but good
Jesus makes the labor sweet
Christ, my joy and hope in toil or rest
Christ, in life or death
But, I long to go home, I want to go home
Let the world its judgement give
Let the wild and whims decide
I have known it Christ to live
And I will know it gain to die
Gain to die
There is a love that guides my way
If fate were mind to choose
It speaks that it's best to stay
To cheer and to strengthen you
So for you it might be the same
To live is Christ and to die is gain
But still, I hear it calling...
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