The Consuming Lion and Streams of Living Water

Today was a day that had little microcosms of moments that could have combined to send me spiraling... Or at least that's what I'm often tempted to feel on such days and struggle with when several little things happen to poke at my tender heart in the sore spots, leaving my heart exposed. I even had someone who I barely have just met check in concerning one of these little moments, that in the past, usually would have been a jab at one of my greatest insecurities. But instead, today, in the tapestry of these events woven together, I saw the love and nearness of the Lord. And I was reminded, again: each and every moment that I am laid bare is the Lord's mercy and love to expose my heart, still laden with sinful remnants of my old self. And the Lord was kind to send someone to double check on me, even seeing that this could be a difficult moment, but to also affirm his work to till the soil of my heart in such moments. 

Later in the day, I was reading an excerpt from a book and reflecting on the day as I was chipping away at another assignment that I am tempted to grumble about because it feels like busy work to me. In this excerpt, I saw the Lord's kindness echo here, too. 

Dear reader, you likely have read The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis, yes? 

Me, too. And, oh, if you haven't may my rambling not drive you away from it. 

Anyways, one of my favorite parts is when Jill is so parched and finds a river, but there is a terrible and great lion right in her way to this nourishing water that would quench her thirst. And I'm reminded of the conversation with a stranger who I have met in person who has become a friend. And I am reminded of the strange, awkward moments of this day, full of things, that in the past I would fret over and be consumed by with overthinking. But instead, I just see the Lord's kindness, reminding me that he says to come and drink. 

“Are you thirsty?” said the Lion.

“I’m dying of thirst,” said Jill

“Then drink,” said the Lion.

“May I – could I – would you mind going away while I do?” said Jill.

The Lion answered this only by a look and a very low growl. And as Jill gazed at its motionless bulk, she realized that she might as well have asked the whole mountain to move aside for her convenience.

The delicious rippling noise of the stream was driving her nearly frantic.

“Will you promise not to – do anything to me, if I come?” said Jill.

“I make no promise,” said the Lion.

Jill was so thirsty now that, without noticing it, she had come a step nearer.

“Do you eat girls?” she said.

“I have swallowed up girls and boys, women and men, kings and emperors, cities and realms,” said the Lion. It didn’t say this as if it were boasting, nor as if it were sorry, nor as if it were angry. It just said it.

“I daren’t come and drink,” said Jill.

“Then you will die of thirst,” said the Lion.

“Oh dear!” said Jill, coming another step nearer. “I suppose I must go and look for another stream then.”

“There is no other stream,” said the Lion.”[1] 

Here's some of my reflection on this excerpt: we will be consumed at times, but he will keep us to the end. There will be days that not even we know and see all the intricate ways that we have to die, because he is not tame in the way that we feel that tameness ought to be. But, he is always good and far more kind than I will ever be able to fully comprehend. The marvelous riches of his glory are unsearchable and his lovingkindness will take us in like a riptide, so we come and continue to learn to die that we may fully live. And maybe he will remind us that we aren't crazy because someone else noticed that moment when we just went through a difficult little bit of the journey... But, whether or not someone else was a witness is not the point, because God is just and merciful, and he sees everything. 

And I simply do not get what I deserve, because he has pardoned me by his Son. And, the Son will always be the everlasting well who quenches my thirst and leaves me thirsty for more, for I will never able to be truly satiated by any other source. And I am reminded me of a favorite old hymn reset to a musical setting that my previous church sang often, reminding one another of how his mercy has kept us... And all of these things make all the difference. 

Thy Mercy, My God 

(words by John Stocker, music resetting by Sandra McCracken)

Thy mercy, my God, is the theme of my song, 

the joy of my heart, and the boast of my tongue; 

thy free grace alone, from the first to the last, 

hath won my affections, and bound my soul fast. 

Without thy sweet mercy I could not live here

sin would reduce me to utter despair; 

but, through thy free goodness, my spirits revive, 

and he that first made me, still keeps me alive.

Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart, 

Which wonder to feel its own hardness depart, 

Dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground, 

And weep for the praise of the mercy I've found,.

Hallelujah, hallelujah. 

Great Father of mercy, Thy goodness I own, 

And the covenant love of Thy crucified Son, 

All praise to the Spirit whose whisper divine, 

Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine, 

All praise to the Spirit whose whisper divine, 

Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine, 

Hallelujah, hallelujah.”[2]

---

[1] Lewis, C.S. The Silver Chair. Glasgow, Scotland: William Collins Sons & Co., 16-17. Cited in Stam, Worship in the Joy of the Lord, 262.

[2] John Stocker, ca. 1776, Public Domain. Cited in Stam, Worship in the Joy of the Lord, 157.

Reflection, Encouragement, and Help

Composed Sunday, 1/12/2025 - based on Sam Emadi's sermon from 1/12/2025 

Sunday morning’s sermon was greatly encouraging and exhorting to me as throughout my life and even recently, I have had different period of overwhelming feelings of sadness and sorrow in my soul, feeling and believing that God is absent and in various circumstances in my life whether in conflict, sickness, or death. And the Lord has greatly used both his Word and the church to encourage, exhort, strengthen, and expose my heart in many ways through reminding and massaging scripture and praying God’s very words after him. 

Emotions can feel all consuming, much like a tidal riptide knocking all your breath out of you and pulling you under the water, or as though these emotions are uncontrollable, and as though there is no possibility of mastery, like a fire ravaging a brittle, dry forrest of trees. And yet, by his Spirit illumining his Word and giving us ears to see, training our hearts how to sing to him and to praise him, the Lord can both teach us to be honest and how to think rightly, how we are loved by him and how to love rightly. Because of Jesus Christ we have forgiveness by his blood and he has given us all the instruction and stories and history and songs necessary by which we are comforted and changed and trained and equipped in his Word. He has given us himself. And I am continually humbled by how much change I still need and that we have such a patience, kind, humble God who is willing, able, and doing just that- all that he has promised. 

I wanted to share how the sermon ministered to me to the church as an encouragement to you of the Lord's good work that he is doing in all of us. But, I also wanted to share because if you're wanting to pursue the kind of honesty in sorrow and turning to God that Psalm 13 shows more in your own life, I would love for you to consider talking with me or others. I'm toward the end of my formal training in biblical counseling, and I'm looking to be of help to anyone in the church who’s looking to find the words for your experience, struggles, responses, and looking together to frame them according to the truth of God’s word together. I’d be happy to talk about that and I will send an email some more info after you look at and fill out this form but most importantly, I wanted to encourage you that we are able to be forgiven by Jesus Christ’s atonement, that he is always with us, and he will make us more like Him. 

The Post-Roe World

As someone who has worked at Pregnancy Resource Clinic for a few months shy of 6 years, I wanted to share some thoughts and information in light of current events. 

Medicial Pregnancy Resource Clinics like Birth Choice have ALWAYS sought to love and serve the woman AND encourage and empower her to choose life for her child. We are pro-woman. We do not receive governmental aid and seek to serve and love women at great cost, but free to her. 

Countless girls have left Planned Parenthood and told our office, “they were not kind to me; they didn’t even care about me. You all are so kind to me.” (I know this is not every woman’s experience, but it’s so sad to hear so many women say how they were treated at PP.) 

Abortion is NEVER in her best interest because it is murder. This is because abortion is the ending of her own child’s life. This sounds harsh but is true. 

Overturning Roe will not mean prosecutition of the mother but those who perform abortions on mothers. 

Surgeries for miscarriage, ectopic and tubal pregnancies are NOT abortions. They are not even close to the same thing. Those things are NOT the mother’s desire or choice. Abortion is the termination of a baby by CHOICE. 

Even in situations of rape and incest, abortion is the ending of the innocent, making the traumatized mother bring more trauma upon herself by ending her child’s life rather than bringing the perpetrator to justice for the evil that he has committed. 

Why is that we are tempted to think that this is a mutually exclusive problem, that it’s the woman or the baby? Why do we not realize that it is both? A woman is a mother at the moment of the baby’s conception. It is against her very God-given nature to end the life of her child. But on the altar of connivence we sacrifice our children. Lord have mercy upon us.  

It reminds me of this song by Sarah Sparks.

Here is the thing. Yes, we are anti-abortion. But, we are PRO-LIFE. ANY and EVERY woman is welcome to us after she has had an abortion. We will never encourage her to have an abortion. But, we want to get her back in our door to love her and if she is willing, to see if she (or anyone complicit in the partaking of an abortion) will go through our New Beginnings program for anyone who is post-abortive. This is not only for women, but for fathers, grandparents, siblings, friends, church members, whoever pressured, paid, or was affected by a woman in their life who has had an abortion. 

We do not cast women out after they have made a decision to abort, even though we have pleaded with them not to. We plead with them to come back in. We plead with them to see the truth and to find healing in the truth. 

We forget that our hearts are selfish and that we do not know best. 

“…when you understand what Scripture says your heart is capable of—evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, and slander—you’ll also understand why it’s not smart to follow it down the path of destruction.”*

It is scripture that helps us know what is true and good and what is not. We need the Lord. Because when we repent and believe in our hearts, confessing with our mouth that we have sinned and Jesus is Lord and saves us, then we are saved. I am in no less need than a post-abortive woman, or pro-choice person. We all need the salvation of Jesus Christ. It is the truth that will set us free. This is why we fight abortion, love the woman, and welcome her back whatever she has done. For free. Because the truth is costly, and man, sometimes it is hard to stand on and hard to accept, but it is always loving and best. So it is love that motivates and compels us to not be silent. 

This podcast by the president of the seminary I attend summarizes so much so well from Friday, 6/24/22: Special Episode of the Briefing: This is the Day that the Lord has Made!

This article is pretty powerful to read also: Because They Are No More 

*Excerpt from: "Growing in Godliness: A Teen Girl's Guide to Maturing in Christ" by Lindsey Carlson. Scribd.

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concerning grief and sadness - a free verse poem

learning 

numb and quiet 

aftermath, beat up 

i just feel so... heavy 

i forget so many details 

"what did you just say..." 

"sorry, I didn't hear you"

just trying to make it 

through the day today 

just trying to be okay today 

"i'm just tired" 

...so tired

i know the right things to say today 

but it's hard to feel them today 

schluffing it off won't be okay today 

it's a toil and a burden to stay open 

and to keep on the way 

sometimes my face leaks 

feel stuck sometimes 

feel in-between 

going through the motions

dragging forward 

or maybe lagging behind

a dam bursts... 

sometimes, it just cracks

there's an ache... 

trying to find words 

for what has none

it's a soft, steady break

sometimes, it's hard to move 

i don't always feel this way 

i know that this is 

just a moment 

a long, hard moment 

a tough, terrible moment 

where i feel lost 

and pulled under

and i know all the right things 

to do...

...to feel, and to say

i know that it will be okay 

but not today 

Book Review: The Serpent Slayer

“The Serpent Slayer and the Scroll of Riddles” presents the overview of Biblical narrative through two kids plunging into the scriptural narratives themselves. It’s creative, and though the writing did not grab my attention until later, the storyline was compelling. 

4/5 stars 🌟 

 *This was read as a pre-release to review for the book's launch. This is my honest opinion. 

My Good Reads CR/reviews here 

Click here for book link on Amazon

Click here for book link on New Growth Press website.

Be Still My Soul

Sometimes it feels as though you have just figured out how to tread water when something else cuts like a riptide that knocks the breath out of you, catches your failing appendages, yanking you down to where you are wondering which way is up and whether or not you will make it back. And if you do, did you alone survive and who did not?

Moments like that are hard to focus your mind on what is true, love, commendable, excellent, pure, just, good, and not the ugly, impossible and yet all of the possible worst-case-scenario what-ifs that seem to acupuncture all of your muscles so you feel frozen in fear and then forced into an acceleration of panic. 

But, the truth - 

"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10 

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock." Isaiah 26:3-4 

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I say rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, what is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me--practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:4-9 

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing... Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." James 1:2-4, 12

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12

"Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good." 1 Peter 4:19 

So many times over the weekend, I have felt the Lord quiet my anxious heart with what is true- His Word. 

We gathered for my papa's funeral, and it was beautiful, sad, and hard. At one point, much later, some of the cousins were together, and I sang part of "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus," with one of the girls. We went on talking a bit more, and then started mentioning going inside, but one of my cousins quietly murmured, "Let's sing one more hymn first." He picked out "Be Still, My Soul." 

"Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain

Leave to thy God to order and provide 

In every change, He faithful will remain 

Be still, my soul, thy best, thy heavenly friend

Though thorny ways leads to a joyful end. 

Be still, my soul, thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as He has the past 

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake 

All now mysterious shall be bright at last 

Be still, my soul, the waves and winds still know 

His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below." 

It could not have been a better selection then, and to have to reflect on today. I didn't plan on going to church because I didn't think that I would make it back for the service on this Sunday after my flight into Tennessee and drive back. I glanced at the time as my car warmed up on this chilly February morning, and I plugged in the destination from the airport to my church on the maps app on my phone. I realized that even though I would be about 30 minutes late to the service, I would probably make it in time for the sermon to start. "That's fine, I will get to sing with everyone at the end and be with my church family as we hear God's Word together. I think I need this right now." So I sang and drove my way back to Jackson, TN from the airport (not without some tears and prayers as I wound down from the weekend alone on the drive) and walked in just at 10:40am. I went up in the balcony, and sang the part of the last song in the set before we laid hands on those joining and a young missionary couple we were sending back out to Peru. As we settle back in our seats, ready to read part of the passage for the preaching, Pastor Lee announced that my small group leader was at the ER with a brain bleed and that we would pray for him as we prayed through our passage. This is man who is like a father to me in Tennessee (his wife, my mentor), and he had taught me much about learning what is true, to dwell on it. and to be honest when I was feeling otherwise, repenting and turning back to the Lord for the past ten and a half years. He is very honest about these things himself. I did not know what to do with this news and I just felt panic start to flood me, and fought to not let it consume me. I was trying very hard not to think on the worst case scenarios of all the unknown circumstances. We now know that he is stable, but there are many uncertainties. 

I can only say that, in many ways and through many means, the Lord continually calmed me with his Word throughout the week and this Sunday with what is true. Because it is only in Him that we will find rest for our souls and our thoughts will quiet with peace beyond all understanding. The weekend has been a whirlwind of emotions, but as Lee said in his sermon (part 5 of 7) on Job today, God is in the whirlwind; He made it, and He is always good. There are so many things that happen that we do not want to happen. Some are just terrible things, and our God is always in control and He is always good. He is not far off; He is near. Be still, my soul, the Lord is on your side. His purposes are always good even when we cannot see it and one day, we will be with Him, and all now mysterious shall be bright at last. And even if we still do not understand the circumstances, we will see Him and we will know, without any shadow of doubt, that He is always good and always right. 

A Life Well Lived - in honor of my Papa, William (Bill) Moore (1932-2022)

Papa and I at Jennifer's (my cousin) wedding in 2018

With Papa and Grandma Moore when visiting in 2020

“That’s good that you believe Jesus is love, Kaitlyn, but you have to remember He is Lord and is He your Lord? Is He the Lord of your life?” I was having dinner with my grandparents back at the beginning of undergrad during the summer once and they asked me this. It is even more striking and thought provoking to me now than then. My papa is a man who lived in the fear and admonition of the Lord and he didn’t pull punches. Even in pain and suffering, he wanted to trust in the work of Christ- his verses were Isaiah 40, specifically verses 28-31: ““Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” 

At Jennifer's wedding in 2018

The example, even in his pain and struggle for most of the years of my life, of trusting the One true God who saves those who trust in Him is such a testimony. He was married for 66 years to my wonderful grandma, he raised my mom who they adopted with the love of Christ, seeking to raise her in the way she should go to where my dad said that he was not only drawn to her but also drawn to her family because he saw the way that her parents lived.

My Grandma and Papa at their wedding in 1955

My dad and Papa in Deep Creek, MD at my great grandparent Moore's anniversary.
(Maybe1988 before my parents were married. I just love this picture.) 

The Moore Legacy when I was about 6 years old
(This was taken maybe around 1999?)

These pictures are a treasure because they are glimpses of his faithfulness and influence because of the love of Christ in him. The Lord does not want our sacrifices and rituals; he wants our hearts and our lives- our complete devotion. That was my papa- one of the sweetest last memories I have with him was during the summer when we were able to pray together about his pain from his ongoing battle off and on with cancer and then his sheer joy of sharing with his grandchildren and children who were present his favorite hymns. In the past, as a high schooler I’m ashamed to say that this is something that I would’ve been annoyed at, but then I felt that it was a precious moment that we might not have again and what an incredible gift to see his delight in the true words and worship of believers singing together to the Lord. He shared hymn after hymn with us, wanting us to try to watch congregational singing of the hymns. I don’t want to lose my wonder in the Lord and the beauty He is creating, even in the hard things of the world- just like my papa. And while death is an enemy until Christ returns and this is much harder than I even realized, I’m so thankful that he is now with his Lord face to face worshiping without pain, fear, or tears. And that one day I will do the same with him, whole of body and heart, without any pretense or hindrance to the focus on Jesus our Lord and Savior. 

Papa and Grandma Moore (around 2018)

Papa and Grandma during Christmas time 2021