concerning grief and sadness - a free verse poem

learning 

numb and quiet 

aftermath, beat up 

i just feel so... heavy 

i forget so many details 

"what did you just say..." 

"sorry, I didn't hear you"

just trying to make it 

through the day today 

just trying to be okay today 

"i'm just tired" 

...so tired

i know the right things to say today 

but it's hard to feel them today 

schluffing it off won't be okay today 

it's a toil and a burden to stay open 

and to keep on the way 

sometimes my face leaks 

feel stuck sometimes 

feel in-between 

going through the motions

dragging forward 

or maybe lagging behind

a dam bursts... 

sometimes, it just cracks

there's an ache... 

trying to find words 

for what has none

it's a soft, steady break

sometimes, it's hard to move 

i don't always feel this way 

i know that this is 

just a moment 

a long, hard moment 

a tough, terrible moment 

where i feel lost 

and pulled under

and i know all the right things 

to do...

...to feel, and to say

i know that it will be okay 

but not today