Be Still My Soul

Sometimes it feels as though you have just figured out how to tread water when something else cuts like a riptide that knocks the breath out of you, catches your failing appendages, yanking you down to where you are wondering which way is up and whether or not you will make it back. And if you do, did you alone survive and who did not?

Moments like that are hard to focus your mind on what is true, love, commendable, excellent, pure, just, good, and not the ugly, impossible and yet all of the possible worst-case-scenario what-ifs that seem to acupuncture all of your muscles so you feel frozen in fear and then forced into an acceleration of panic. 

But, the truth - 

"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10 

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock." Isaiah 26:3-4 

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I say rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, what is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me--practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:4-9 

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing... Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." James 1:2-4, 12

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12

"Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good." 1 Peter 4:19 

So many times over the weekend, I have felt the Lord quiet my anxious heart with what is true- His Word. 

We gathered for my papa's funeral, and it was beautiful, sad, and hard. At one point, much later, some of the cousins were together, and I sang part of "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus," with one of the girls. We went on talking a bit more, and then started mentioning going inside, but one of my cousins quietly murmured, "Let's sing one more hymn first." He picked out "Be Still, My Soul." 

"Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain

Leave to thy God to order and provide 

In every change, He faithful will remain 

Be still, my soul, thy best, thy heavenly friend

Though thorny ways leads to a joyful end. 

Be still, my soul, thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as He has the past 

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake 

All now mysterious shall be bright at last 

Be still, my soul, the waves and winds still know 

His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below." 

It could not have been a better selection then, and to have to reflect on today. I didn't plan on going to church because I didn't think that I would make it back for the service on this Sunday after my flight into Tennessee and drive back. I glanced at the time as my car warmed up on this chilly February morning, and I plugged in the destination from the airport to my church on the maps app on my phone. I realized that even though I would be about 30 minutes late to the service, I would probably make it in time for the sermon to start. "That's fine, I will get to sing with everyone at the end and be with my church family as we hear God's Word together. I think I need this right now." So I sang and drove my way back to Jackson, TN from the airport (not without some tears and prayers as I wound down from the weekend alone on the drive) and walked in just at 10:40am. I went up in the balcony, and sang the part of the last song in the set before we laid hands on those joining and a young missionary couple we were sending back out to Peru. As we settle back in our seats, ready to read part of the passage for the preaching, Pastor Lee announced that my small group leader was at the ER with a brain bleed and that we would pray for him as we prayed through our passage. This is man who is like a father to me in Tennessee (his wife, my mentor), and he had taught me much about learning what is true, to dwell on it. and to be honest when I was feeling otherwise, repenting and turning back to the Lord for the past ten and a half years. He is very honest about these things himself. I did not know what to do with this news and I just felt panic start to flood me, and fought to not let it consume me. I was trying very hard not to think on the worst case scenarios of all the unknown circumstances. We now know that he is stable, but there are many uncertainties. 

I can only say that, in many ways and through many means, the Lord continually calmed me with his Word throughout the week and this Sunday with what is true. Because it is only in Him that we will find rest for our souls and our thoughts will quiet with peace beyond all understanding. The weekend has been a whirlwind of emotions, but as Lee said in his sermon (part 5 of 7) on Job today, God is in the whirlwind; He made it, and He is always good. There are so many things that happen that we do not want to happen. Some are just terrible things, and our God is always in control and He is always good. He is not far off; He is near. Be still, my soul, the Lord is on your side. His purposes are always good even when we cannot see it and one day, we will be with Him, and all now mysterious shall be bright at last. And even if we still do not understand the circumstances, we will see Him and we will know, without any shadow of doubt, that He is always good and always right.