Sometimes there are those days that you feel out of place.
Like what you thought you knew has been wrong and you don't know what is real anymore.
You see glimpses of the "real," but the technicolor of life has faded so that mostly everything is gray and blurred and you feel like you are just hanging on. The bursts of "real," the flash of "color" are so dim that you aren't even sure if they are real. You feel like if you say anything you will just be mellow-dramatic and they will try to talk you into feeling better. But, that's what you are trying to do for yourself. You're past that point; you are just surviving now.
The cynic is in. The hope is scarce or maybe even just lost. And you have no idea where to find it.
But, sometimes in the surviving, you start to see the others. Those who are trying to survive, too. Most of us are or have been there. Those moments that innocence has been stolen and reality of the cruel world has shattered the rose colored glasses you wore. And it's hard not to doubt all the goodness that you still do see.
And there are so many tears and lonely nights and it feels as though an ocean is under your skin. You may love to sing, write, paint, play, and be... but it feels as though those things are empty and not real anymore. That you are drowning under the mask of "just do the next thing." Get up, do the thing, see some people, go to bed. Repeat. But, sometimes it's in "just doing the next thing" that you start to see the glimmer. And it begins to grow.
Joy has to become something more than a feeling. It's a knowing. Trusting even when the feeling is gone and has been for a while, you have learned that it is so much more than a feeling. And in the resting and trusting, a seed of hope has been planted and begun to grow. Truth is more than wishing, wanting... it is steadfast and unmoveable. It is strong, but gentle. It is real. Because real joy can only come from and be tethered to what is true. So sometimes you have to hold on in the dark and remember that the light will come, because darkness is the absence of light. It's not a pervasive force that takes over, it is the absence of light. So you look for what is true. Not just what people say is true. But, what is true.
Because what is true is already existing and revealing itself. The Person. He is showing Himself to you before you even know that you have been looking for Him or before you even knew that you had been filling yourself with what you wanted to believe rather than what was true... which really, isn't true: really, you know what is true... but, you didn't want to face it, because in the actual truth, you are much more ugly and repulsive than you ever wanted to face, and YOU changed you to be that way. And your pride is what kept you there. And then, waking up slowly is SO painful. Much harder work than you ever wanted to sign up for. But, you are awake and to go back to being asleep means going back to a lie. So you ask Him to help you press in and keep you. And the Keeper is faithful, He will do so much more than we can ask or think.
Because, really, it's been me. And this me... has been lost and gets lost so very easily. And I have never felt so small and He has never felt so big. And, truly, that's not even close to the reality of it. I have been so terrified of that in the past... but, when I have started to find and beg that this little self be kept in the cleft of Him, and to see and know His goodness, He shows Himself in the Words and the Pages of the Secrets revealing Who He IS. And, it's not that He suddenly is doing it because of my asking, He always has been showing Himself there. And the Spirit whispers in the quiet, "I AM." Because He is eternally showing Himself, progressively revealing Who He Is in the Word. And He formed me and found me, I am eternally found. And even though I don't always know who I am, who I will be, and I really often don't like who I have been, it's the best thing in the world to be eternally found by the Keeper who will keep us, His kept. This is love. To be eternally found and kept and loved.
Friday, September 27, 2019
Who Faithfulness Is
I love to write.
But, sometimes... when there are stretches of wilderness... of surviving...
the will to write is lost there in the wilderness that I wander... somewhere I cannot find it and sometimes I have even been at points of even wondering if I will again or if I even want to...
But, thanks be to the Father, my God, He is slowly healing those broken, untouched spots of the heart... of all those who seek Him. And my will to write comes back in those times when I am aware of it.
(I am) Ever changing
(I am) Ever breaking
(I am) So mistaken
(And) I've been faking me
You have found me
You unwound me
You have bound me
Ever surrounding me
(for) I've been trying
Ever lying
Slowly dying
Now slowly flying free
Do not leave me
(Soul) keep believing
(Lord) Keep me cleaving
From lies deceiving me
Before, behind me
Between, unwinding
Love so binding
Keep on finding me
But, sometimes... when there are stretches of wilderness... of surviving...
the will to write is lost there in the wilderness that I wander... somewhere I cannot find it and sometimes I have even been at points of even wondering if I will again or if I even want to...
But, thanks be to the Father, my God, He is slowly healing those broken, untouched spots of the heart... of all those who seek Him. And my will to write comes back in those times when I am aware of it.
(I am) Ever changing
(I am) Ever breaking
(I am) So mistaken
(And) I've been faking me
You have found me
You unwound me
You have bound me
Ever surrounding me
(for) I've been trying
Ever lying
Slowly dying
Now slowly flying free
Do not leave me
(Soul) keep believing
(Lord) Keep me cleaving
From lies deceiving me
Before, behind me
Between, unwinding
Love so binding
Keep on finding me
Monday, August 5, 2019
Emmanuel: He is with us.
"Just try harder next time."
"Maybe if this boy liked you, you would be beautiful."
"Maybe if you were thinner, then..."
"Why can't you be like that girl over there..."
Maybe if they thought your voice was lovely, you would be..."
"Why can't you get this right, girl?"
"Maybe if you do this, you will be good enough."
Perfectionism
Legalism
Discontentment
Unthankfulness
Bitterness
Selfishness
Pride
Idolatry
Unbelief
The endless song of "never enough"
These are the roots in my heart that I had. Around these roots, I built a large wall and impenetrable fortress of pious "try harder."
And trying harder will never be enough.
The more I tried, the quicker I see and feel that my "trying" is missing the mark, monumentally. And the more I try, the more despair and anxiety I feel. Sometimes it causes me to retreat with great and loud bitterness and self-pity and sometimes to retreat into quiet robotic obedience which has joylessness and resigned despondency dangerously looming under the surface.
Because the illuminating questions that expose the darkness and blackness that lay underneath are:
"Will you love Me and follow Me, even if you never receive what you are begging Me for?
If they never love you,
if I have a life of suffering for you,
if they only draw near when they need someone to listen to their pain and forget you in the fun and carefree times...
will you love and follow Me?
Will I be enough for you?"
And when I faced these questions recently, I was horrified to see that answer was no.
"Kaitlyn, you are too hard on yourself."
"Kaitlyn, look at your worth in Christ!"
"What you want will come if you give it to Him and then, He will give it back..."
These are well-intentioned and even loving efforts to console... except that they keep the focus on me. They feed my self focus and my legalistic "elder brother" mentality of worshiping the Giver in order to receive His gifts.
Because they don't face the truth that He is what we need and that I am idolatrously chasing after other things to fill only what He can fill and heal. It's not even about the healing and filling as much as knowing and glorifying Him. And I'm still so very tempted to believe it.
About a year ago, I was torn in half, grasping at what I wanted and trying to fill my heart with a good thing, but when even the best of things that I pursue are all about me, praise the Lord that they leave me empty, because they aren't about Him. Instead it all left me more broken and torn. And even when walking away, saying, "I can't do this. I can't continue. I need to follow the Lord even if it means I never get what I want. Even if my heart is always broken."
I said those things and I meant them. But, I didn't think that almost a year later, that I would still feel this way. Because deep down, I didn't want to fully surrender them. I thought giving them to the Giver would mean that I would somehow have "earned the right" to get them back. What a divided heart that has revealed.
Because, as the past few weeks have revealed, the idol that I worship is me. It's my emotions and my thoughts and my desires and my perception of the Word.
Oh, what pride.
How ugly.
How divisive.
It puts me directly in us vs. them and most importantly, it takes my focus off of the Savior and puts it on me.
In the middle of June, "Jude" by Psallos was released and I listened to it on repeat for several weeks. What comfort and conviction wrapped up in a beautiful art rock opera of solid truth. Towards the beginning and towards the end of this lovely musical ciasim was the phrase: "we wondered, at times, if God was able to keep us... or would He lose us?"
Yes. I wonder that, too, sometimes.
And in my heart also the questions: "or would I turn away? Would I keep going? Would God be able to keep me even when I don't want to keep going?"
Then, about a month after I started listening to "Jude," I devoured Tim Keller's "The Prodigal God" for the first time. I vaguely remember the story from a video series shown in chapel in high school, but remnants have come back to me as I reread the story for myself.
It was over the weekend in July that we had lost our precious "Mimi," the grandmother and matriarch of our church, Cornerstone. When I joined the Nettles' small group during my freshman year of college at Union in 2011, I met Mimi and saw the Lord's amazing work of holding her fast in the turmoil of much suffering, walking alongside others and persevering hard work. She poured out her life without a complaint. In fact, usually she was playing down whatever she was going through and you could always count on her to call you a "sweet, sweet" and "precious, precious" child of God with great fervor as she exhorted you to hold to the truth of the Word.
The weekend she passed away, my heart was heavy and at a point where some of the desperation was surfacing as I would curl up in bed and sob until I fell asleep. Conviction, as I read "The Prodigal God," cut through this heaviness like an icy splash of water. Some of the groundwork of conviction from "Jude" was being furrowed, and my heart was exposed: I most certainly was the "elder brother" in this parable of two lost sons.
And now, Mimi's life, a stark testimony of a heart transformed and pouring out even when bleeding, because of the "yet not I but for Jesus" grace and mercy that had changed her heart. It wasn't her. It was Christ in her, just as she had always told us!!! Oh, how we miss her!
But, I will never forget: "I just wanna go home to be with Jesus."
That's what she kept saying the last time I saw her and I had no words.
And now, I keep thinking, "Lord, it was You. It was all You. Make me want to see You as much as You made her want to see You. It was Your love. Transform us. Show us. Teach us to love You and Your Word."
Yesterday, I just finished reading, "The Promise is His Presence" by Glenna Marshall. (It may seem as though I keep hopping all over the place, but this does all go together... Thanks for your patience!)
I was part of the launch team for this book, so I have been reading it over the past month and its release was August 1. And it stripped down my facade to its heart and the roots even more. It's a reminder and beautifully shows us that the whole point is that JESUS is the promise! The promise of God that we are trying to figure out and we are all waiting for! That God is WITH us! It's not health, wealth, prosperity, healing, happiness (though, those are not bad things to pray and hope for) but the lack of them doesn't mean that God is not good or that His promises are not true- but rather, He is always with us and purposing all things for our good and His glory the whole time. We can't always know what He is doing but we get to know Him. And He is good and He is enough. And that will be enough.
And that's what I saw in Mimi. What we all saw in Mimi. Throughout her life and at the end of it, she was overflowing with it: the promise is Jesus, and boy, did she rest in that. The gospel is what gave her joy and it's what caused her to press on and pour out. And it wasn't her, it was all Him. And He is still here, even though we miss her, and she is with Him more fully, and we will one day, too.
Praise the Lord.
Because of Jesus.
Those things I listed that were deep in my heart?
They still are.
But, I'm not pretending that they aren't anymore.
And, I pray that the Lord will not let me rest with them remaining there.
Because it's not about me- it's about Him!
"He has promised throughout all of Scripture that He will be with His people. We can trust that, since He has kept that promise for all of history, He will continue to keep it until we see Him face-to-face in Heaven. If death couldn't hold Jesus in the ground, then no circumstance on earth will keep us from the nearness of God. He will never leave or forsake us."
-from "The Promise is His Presence" by Glenna Marshall
As I answered the illuminating questions with a "no," I felt the Lord say back, "I know. That's the point. You can't. Only I can." And, so I am learning to relax into His truth and His will and His presence. Because that's what causes the younger brother to return home and what can cause the elder brother to rejoice at his return! Most glorious of all, it's what causes the Father to welcome them to be with Him. Because we are entering into His rest- and His rest is His Presence. And that is what turns our "why, God?" into "what are You teaching me, God?"
"Mercy and forgiveness must be free and unmerited to the wrongdoer. If the wrongdoer has to do something to merit it, then it isn't mercy, but forgiveness always comes at a cost to the one granting the forgiveness."
- from "The Prodigal God" by Tim Keller
“We wondered at times if God was able to keep us…or would he lose us.”
When dangers creep beneath you,
Like hidden reefs below,
When wandering stars above don’t lead you home,
When people promise blessing,
Like clouds that promise rain—
These pretty lying mists, they wisp in vain—
When wild waves surround you,
With vile, wicked shame,
When trees in which you trusted
Bear no fruit and give no gain.
Can he keep his sheep from stumbling?
Can he keep his children safe?
Can he keep his chosen people free from guilt and blame?
Can he keep his beloved without blemish, spot, or stain?
Now to him, the Lord our God,
He is able to keep you,
Able to keep you.
Our sov’reign King, our mighty Savior,
He is able to keep your soul!
May all glory and majesty,
Dominion and authority
Be yours, forevermore!
Through Jesus Christ, our Lord.
Amen."
-17. the keeper (24-25) from "Jude" by Psallos
Click here to listen to "Jude" by Psallos
Click here to check out "The Prodigal God" by Timothy Keller
Click here to check out "The Promise is His Presence" by Glenna Marshall
"Maybe if this boy liked you, you would be beautiful."
"Maybe if you were thinner, then..."
"Why can't you be like that girl over there..."
Maybe if they thought your voice was lovely, you would be..."
"Why can't you get this right, girl?"
"Maybe if you do this, you will be good enough."
Perfectionism
Legalism
Discontentment
Unthankfulness
Bitterness
Selfishness
Pride
Idolatry
Unbelief
The endless song of "never enough"
These are the roots in my heart that I had. Around these roots, I built a large wall and impenetrable fortress of pious "try harder."
And trying harder will never be enough.
The more I tried, the quicker I see and feel that my "trying" is missing the mark, monumentally. And the more I try, the more despair and anxiety I feel. Sometimes it causes me to retreat with great and loud bitterness and self-pity and sometimes to retreat into quiet robotic obedience which has joylessness and resigned despondency dangerously looming under the surface.
Because the illuminating questions that expose the darkness and blackness that lay underneath are:
"Will you love Me and follow Me, even if you never receive what you are begging Me for?
If they never love you,
if I have a life of suffering for you,
if they only draw near when they need someone to listen to their pain and forget you in the fun and carefree times...
will you love and follow Me?
Will I be enough for you?"
And when I faced these questions recently, I was horrified to see that answer was no.
"Kaitlyn, you are too hard on yourself."
"Kaitlyn, look at your worth in Christ!"
"What you want will come if you give it to Him and then, He will give it back..."
These are well-intentioned and even loving efforts to console... except that they keep the focus on me. They feed my self focus and my legalistic "elder brother" mentality of worshiping the Giver in order to receive His gifts.
Because they don't face the truth that He is what we need and that I am idolatrously chasing after other things to fill only what He can fill and heal. It's not even about the healing and filling as much as knowing and glorifying Him. And I'm still so very tempted to believe it.
About a year ago, I was torn in half, grasping at what I wanted and trying to fill my heart with a good thing, but when even the best of things that I pursue are all about me, praise the Lord that they leave me empty, because they aren't about Him. Instead it all left me more broken and torn. And even when walking away, saying, "I can't do this. I can't continue. I need to follow the Lord even if it means I never get what I want. Even if my heart is always broken."
I said those things and I meant them. But, I didn't think that almost a year later, that I would still feel this way. Because deep down, I didn't want to fully surrender them. I thought giving them to the Giver would mean that I would somehow have "earned the right" to get them back. What a divided heart that has revealed.
Because, as the past few weeks have revealed, the idol that I worship is me. It's my emotions and my thoughts and my desires and my perception of the Word.
Oh, what pride.
How ugly.
How divisive.
It puts me directly in us vs. them and most importantly, it takes my focus off of the Savior and puts it on me.
In the middle of June, "Jude" by Psallos was released and I listened to it on repeat for several weeks. What comfort and conviction wrapped up in a beautiful art rock opera of solid truth. Towards the beginning and towards the end of this lovely musical ciasim was the phrase: "we wondered, at times, if God was able to keep us... or would He lose us?"
Yes. I wonder that, too, sometimes.
And in my heart also the questions: "or would I turn away? Would I keep going? Would God be able to keep me even when I don't want to keep going?"
Then, about a month after I started listening to "Jude," I devoured Tim Keller's "The Prodigal God" for the first time. I vaguely remember the story from a video series shown in chapel in high school, but remnants have come back to me as I reread the story for myself.
It was over the weekend in July that we had lost our precious "Mimi," the grandmother and matriarch of our church, Cornerstone. When I joined the Nettles' small group during my freshman year of college at Union in 2011, I met Mimi and saw the Lord's amazing work of holding her fast in the turmoil of much suffering, walking alongside others and persevering hard work. She poured out her life without a complaint. In fact, usually she was playing down whatever she was going through and you could always count on her to call you a "sweet, sweet" and "precious, precious" child of God with great fervor as she exhorted you to hold to the truth of the Word.
The weekend she passed away, my heart was heavy and at a point where some of the desperation was surfacing as I would curl up in bed and sob until I fell asleep. Conviction, as I read "The Prodigal God," cut through this heaviness like an icy splash of water. Some of the groundwork of conviction from "Jude" was being furrowed, and my heart was exposed: I most certainly was the "elder brother" in this parable of two lost sons.
And now, Mimi's life, a stark testimony of a heart transformed and pouring out even when bleeding, because of the "yet not I but for Jesus" grace and mercy that had changed her heart. It wasn't her. It was Christ in her, just as she had always told us!!! Oh, how we miss her!
But, I will never forget: "I just wanna go home to be with Jesus."
That's what she kept saying the last time I saw her and I had no words.
And now, I keep thinking, "Lord, it was You. It was all You. Make me want to see You as much as You made her want to see You. It was Your love. Transform us. Show us. Teach us to love You and Your Word."
Yesterday, I just finished reading, "The Promise is His Presence" by Glenna Marshall. (It may seem as though I keep hopping all over the place, but this does all go together... Thanks for your patience!)
I was part of the launch team for this book, so I have been reading it over the past month and its release was August 1. And it stripped down my facade to its heart and the roots even more. It's a reminder and beautifully shows us that the whole point is that JESUS is the promise! The promise of God that we are trying to figure out and we are all waiting for! That God is WITH us! It's not health, wealth, prosperity, healing, happiness (though, those are not bad things to pray and hope for) but the lack of them doesn't mean that God is not good or that His promises are not true- but rather, He is always with us and purposing all things for our good and His glory the whole time. We can't always know what He is doing but we get to know Him. And He is good and He is enough. And that will be enough.
And that's what I saw in Mimi. What we all saw in Mimi. Throughout her life and at the end of it, she was overflowing with it: the promise is Jesus, and boy, did she rest in that. The gospel is what gave her joy and it's what caused her to press on and pour out. And it wasn't her, it was all Him. And He is still here, even though we miss her, and she is with Him more fully, and we will one day, too.
Praise the Lord.
Because of Jesus.
Those things I listed that were deep in my heart?
They still are.
But, I'm not pretending that they aren't anymore.
And, I pray that the Lord will not let me rest with them remaining there.
Because it's not about me- it's about Him!
"He has promised throughout all of Scripture that He will be with His people. We can trust that, since He has kept that promise for all of history, He will continue to keep it until we see Him face-to-face in Heaven. If death couldn't hold Jesus in the ground, then no circumstance on earth will keep us from the nearness of God. He will never leave or forsake us."
-from "The Promise is His Presence" by Glenna Marshall
As I answered the illuminating questions with a "no," I felt the Lord say back, "I know. That's the point. You can't. Only I can." And, so I am learning to relax into His truth and His will and His presence. Because that's what causes the younger brother to return home and what can cause the elder brother to rejoice at his return! Most glorious of all, it's what causes the Father to welcome them to be with Him. Because we are entering into His rest- and His rest is His Presence. And that is what turns our "why, God?" into "what are You teaching me, God?"
"Mercy and forgiveness must be free and unmerited to the wrongdoer. If the wrongdoer has to do something to merit it, then it isn't mercy, but forgiveness always comes at a cost to the one granting the forgiveness."
- from "The Prodigal God" by Tim Keller
“We wondered at times if God was able to keep us…or would he lose us.”
When dangers creep beneath you,
Like hidden reefs below,
When wandering stars above don’t lead you home,
When people promise blessing,
Like clouds that promise rain—
These pretty lying mists, they wisp in vain—
When wild waves surround you,
With vile, wicked shame,
When trees in which you trusted
Bear no fruit and give no gain.
Can he keep his sheep from stumbling?
Can he keep his children safe?
Can he keep his chosen people free from guilt and blame?
Can he keep his beloved without blemish, spot, or stain?
Now to him, the Lord our God,
He is able to keep you,
Able to keep you.
Our sov’reign King, our mighty Savior,
He is able to keep your soul!
May all glory and majesty,
Dominion and authority
Be yours, forevermore!
Through Jesus Christ, our Lord.
Amen."
-17. the keeper (24-25) from "Jude" by Psallos
Click here to listen to "Jude" by Psallos
Click here to check out "The Prodigal God" by Timothy Keller
Click here to check out "The Promise is His Presence" by Glenna Marshall
Monday, April 1, 2019
Unplanned: Women and children are worth protecting and fighting for
Abortion.
This word brings up so many reactions, emotions and opinions.
It feels like one of those four letter words that make people on edge, uncomfortable, or angry... for different reasons.
Or silent. Because it's just too much, too hard.
Many people are fighting for women's rights and support of women and want them to have the best care possible.
Shouldn't they have the right to decide?
Many people are fighting for the rights of the baby and want to make sure that their voice is able to be heard because they literally cannot speak for themselves.
Shouldn't they have the right to live?
For those who are fighting for justice: it's always important to see ALL of what is happening and then to ask: what can I do to help?
Not what do I think I can do or what do I feel I should do, but really what is needed? What is necessary? What is happening here?
When we put aside what we think the right answer is and look at the facts with an open heart and mind, we are able to see and understand the truth.
When we put aside what we feel that we can or cannot do to help, we are able to enter into the fight when we felt overwhelmed before or enter the fight rightly when we had a personal agenda before.
It is too much to handle.
It is too much to bear.
It is too much to see.
It is too much to hear.
It is too much for her.
It is too much for you. For me.
Why not? Can't we just make it go away?
Sometimes I wish for that, too.
If you are overwhelmed, I understand. It is too much.
I often feel as though my heart can't take anymore.
I was watching Lord of the Rings trilogy in its entirety during a weekend vacation with a friend a couple weeks ago.
And, I was struck by this more than ever before:
They had arguments. Thousands of years of history of racism, anger, hurt and betrayal.
Some of them headstrong and proud, some of the weak and undecided, some of them who had run from the fight, some of them simple and innocent.
They were such a band of misfits who had all failed, been misplaced or were completely inadequate in some way.
And they were so few.
And the darkness and fear was too great.
There was no way that they could win.
But, they joined together. And they fought. Even though they had no reason for hope. No reason to keep going. No way to know if others would join them. No way to know if others had survived. And some of them didn't survive. And some of them didn't have happy and healed endings.
But, they fought anyway.
Together.
And, they won.
And, I cried more than I had ever cried watching those movies.
Because in them, I saw us.
We always have more than we can handle.
We are the misfits: we all have been misplaced, run away, fought each other, been hurt, hurt others, missed the mark, too innocent, had it stripped and so much more. That's part of life. It happens to us and we do it to each other.
What can be done?
We need healing and we need to help others heal.
We need to fight the darkness and spread around the good.
We can't ignore it and hope it will go away.
We can't lighten it up, smooth it over or run away.
We can try to.
But, it won't solve it, heal it, or help it.
It will keep spreading and consume us.
Because it's happening. So we cannot afford to be silent or neutral.
We cannot afford to be angry at each other.
We cannot afford to fight each other.
We must get down to business.
We must have open minds and hearts.
We must remember we are dealing with people.
People with damage and baggage.
With a story to tell.
And even in the most hopeless of situations, there is a reason to hope. There is a reason to live. There is a reason to fight. To choose life. To fight for it.
We must enter into the fight in some capacity or another.
You don't have to be on the front lines. But, you can't be silent.
You can't ignore it and wish it away.
It must be dealt with.
Yes, you are just one person.
This battle isn't on you. You aren't the one carrying the cause. Because we can't fix it. Only the Lord Jesus Christ can. But, He calls us to action- to love good and hate evil. To speak the truth and to love.
One person can speak truth and love- letting the light shine in the darkness. It may not change her mind. It may not change her situation. It may not save the baby. But, she will know that she was loved. And, she will know the truth. And she will be introduced to the Person who IS truth and love- the One who changed our lives.
And He can change everything. He already has.
And, you are NOT alone. There are other people in this fight. And we need you in it, too. We can fight, side by side, for these women and children.
People need to be loved.
She is worth it. Her baby is worth it.
Life is worth it.
Ways that you can enter the fight:
PRAY.
Nothing is more important than your prayers in the fight.
And in that, the Lord will show you further what you can do.
SUPPORT.
- With your finances
Support your local crisis pregnancy center financially.
If you live in the Madison or Gibson county area, click here
If you live somewhere else, click here
- With your time
If you live in the Madison county area, call 731-664-8443.
If you live in the Gibson county area, call 731-855-2900.
Also, if you live in either of these areas, Haywood, Hardeman or Fayette counties, click here for more information on Birth Choice's mobile unit.
You can locate the crisis pregnancy centers in your area here
CONVERSATION.
- Ask questions.
- Talk about it.
- Encourage others to enter the fight. Encourage those who are in the fight. Encourage those who are switching sides.
VOTE.
- Vote for those who will protect life.
- Don't vote for those who are pro-choice.
You can look up online their history of voting for or against the issue of life.
The numbers of lives lost to abortion is staggering. We need to vote for those who will fight to protect life legally. The governmental money feeding abortion financially needs to be stopped. We cannot afford to be neutral in our voting on this issue.
Also, we want those who have had an abortion to know that there is healing and that you can have a safe place to talk about it. Many of the volunteers that I know at the crisis pregnancy center in Jackson, TN have had an abortion in the past or know someone who has.
If you have had an abortion and are looking for healing and you live in the Madison county area, click here
If you don't live in the Madison county area, click here
There is a new movie that has just come out.
It's about this fight that we are in.
It's called Unplanned.
It's about the youngest clinic director of a Planned Parenthood, Abby Johnson, who desired to fight for women and helping them get the health care that they need. She worked for them for 8 years, starting as a volunteer escort, but then, after assisting with an abortion, realized that she needed to fight for the babies, too.
It's never too late.
If you are an abortion worker and are looking for other options, click here
Here is some information that I found as I researched this movie:
Info on the movie- the website for Unplanned, click for website here
Background of making the movie, click here (27:25)
Steven Crowder interviewing Abby Johnson in Jan 2019, click here (42:44)
More info about Abby Johnson, click for website here
Interview of actress, Ashley Bratcher, taking the role of Abby Johnson in the movie, Unplanned, and what it meant to her, click here (4:58)
Testimony of actress, Ashley Bratcher: her story of her unplanned pregnancy, click here (7:19)
Albert Mohler on his discussing a soundbite about the movie as well as how Hollywood has responded to it, click here (enterity approx. 26; section on Unplanned: 11:15)
This word brings up so many reactions, emotions and opinions.
It feels like one of those four letter words that make people on edge, uncomfortable, or angry... for different reasons.
Or silent. Because it's just too much, too hard.
Many people are fighting for women's rights and support of women and want them to have the best care possible.
Shouldn't they have the right to decide?
Many people are fighting for the rights of the baby and want to make sure that their voice is able to be heard because they literally cannot speak for themselves.
Shouldn't they have the right to live?
For those who are fighting for justice: it's always important to see ALL of what is happening and then to ask: what can I do to help?
Not what do I think I can do or what do I feel I should do, but really what is needed? What is necessary? What is happening here?
When we put aside what we think the right answer is and look at the facts with an open heart and mind, we are able to see and understand the truth.
When we put aside what we feel that we can or cannot do to help, we are able to enter into the fight when we felt overwhelmed before or enter the fight rightly when we had a personal agenda before.
It is too much to handle.
It is too much to bear.
It is too much to see.
It is too much to hear.
It is too much for her.
It is too much for you. For me.
Why not? Can't we just make it go away?
Sometimes I wish for that, too.
If you are overwhelmed, I understand. It is too much.
I often feel as though my heart can't take anymore.
I was watching Lord of the Rings trilogy in its entirety during a weekend vacation with a friend a couple weeks ago.
And, I was struck by this more than ever before:
They had arguments. Thousands of years of history of racism, anger, hurt and betrayal.
Some of them headstrong and proud, some of the weak and undecided, some of them who had run from the fight, some of them simple and innocent.
They were such a band of misfits who had all failed, been misplaced or were completely inadequate in some way.
And they were so few.
And the darkness and fear was too great.
There was no way that they could win.
But, they joined together. And they fought. Even though they had no reason for hope. No reason to keep going. No way to know if others would join them. No way to know if others had survived. And some of them didn't survive. And some of them didn't have happy and healed endings.
But, they fought anyway.
Together.
And, they won.
And, I cried more than I had ever cried watching those movies.
Because in them, I saw us.
We always have more than we can handle.
We are the misfits: we all have been misplaced, run away, fought each other, been hurt, hurt others, missed the mark, too innocent, had it stripped and so much more. That's part of life. It happens to us and we do it to each other.
What can be done?
We need healing and we need to help others heal.
We need to fight the darkness and spread around the good.
We can't ignore it and hope it will go away.
We can't lighten it up, smooth it over or run away.
We can try to.
But, it won't solve it, heal it, or help it.
It will keep spreading and consume us.
Because it's happening. So we cannot afford to be silent or neutral.
We cannot afford to be angry at each other.
We cannot afford to fight each other.
We must get down to business.
We must have open minds and hearts.
We must remember we are dealing with people.
People with damage and baggage.
With a story to tell.
And even in the most hopeless of situations, there is a reason to hope. There is a reason to live. There is a reason to fight. To choose life. To fight for it.
We must enter into the fight in some capacity or another.
You don't have to be on the front lines. But, you can't be silent.
You can't ignore it and wish it away.
It must be dealt with.
Yes, you are just one person.
This battle isn't on you. You aren't the one carrying the cause. Because we can't fix it. Only the Lord Jesus Christ can. But, He calls us to action- to love good and hate evil. To speak the truth and to love.
One person can speak truth and love- letting the light shine in the darkness. It may not change her mind. It may not change her situation. It may not save the baby. But, she will know that she was loved. And, she will know the truth. And she will be introduced to the Person who IS truth and love- the One who changed our lives.
And He can change everything. He already has.
And, you are NOT alone. There are other people in this fight. And we need you in it, too. We can fight, side by side, for these women and children.
People need to be loved.
She is worth it. Her baby is worth it.
Life is worth it.
Ways that you can enter the fight:
PRAY.
Nothing is more important than your prayers in the fight.
And in that, the Lord will show you further what you can do.
SUPPORT.
- With your finances
Support your local crisis pregnancy center financially.
If you live in the Madison or Gibson county area, click here
If you live somewhere else, click here
- With your time
If you live in the Madison county area, call 731-664-8443.
If you live in the Gibson county area, call 731-855-2900.
Also, if you live in either of these areas, Haywood, Hardeman or Fayette counties, click here for more information on Birth Choice's mobile unit.
You can locate the crisis pregnancy centers in your area here
CONVERSATION.
- Ask questions.
- Talk about it.
- Encourage others to enter the fight. Encourage those who are in the fight. Encourage those who are switching sides.
VOTE.
- Vote for those who will protect life.
- Don't vote for those who are pro-choice.
You can look up online their history of voting for or against the issue of life.
The numbers of lives lost to abortion is staggering. We need to vote for those who will fight to protect life legally. The governmental money feeding abortion financially needs to be stopped. We cannot afford to be neutral in our voting on this issue.
Also, we want those who have had an abortion to know that there is healing and that you can have a safe place to talk about it. Many of the volunteers that I know at the crisis pregnancy center in Jackson, TN have had an abortion in the past or know someone who has.
If you have had an abortion and are looking for healing and you live in the Madison county area, click here
If you don't live in the Madison county area, click here
There is a new movie that has just come out.
It's about this fight that we are in.
It's called Unplanned.
It's about the youngest clinic director of a Planned Parenthood, Abby Johnson, who desired to fight for women and helping them get the health care that they need. She worked for them for 8 years, starting as a volunteer escort, but then, after assisting with an abortion, realized that she needed to fight for the babies, too.
It's never too late.
If you are an abortion worker and are looking for other options, click here
Here is some information that I found as I researched this movie:
Info on the movie- the website for Unplanned, click for website here
Background of making the movie, click here (27:25)
Steven Crowder interviewing Abby Johnson in Jan 2019, click here (42:44)
More info about Abby Johnson, click for website here
Interview of actress, Ashley Bratcher, taking the role of Abby Johnson in the movie, Unplanned, and what it meant to her, click here (4:58)
Testimony of actress, Ashley Bratcher: her story of her unplanned pregnancy, click here (7:19)
Albert Mohler on his discussing a soundbite about the movie as well as how Hollywood has responded to it, click here (enterity approx. 26; section on Unplanned: 11:15)
Monday, March 18, 2019
The darkness will not overcome the Light
It was all wrong.
This day was bright and crisp, shining with the sun's liquid rays of gold.
And yet, the light seemed unable to break through this woman's heart or her young daughter's heart.
Cold.
I felt as though I was speaking to a boulder.
Solid. Rigid. Unmovable. Unrelenting.
Before the daughter was out of the ultrasound room, the mother was on the phone.
"I want to schedule an abortion."
As, they left, our nurse and client advocate who met with her, spoke the truth and lovingly called after, "we will be in touch. Thank you for coming and for listening."
I could not stop the tears from coming to my eyes.
I could not stop the tears from flowing down my face.
This woman's heart has been so deeply wounded by her own sin and the sins of others that she has taught her daughter the same thing. The hardness was impenetrable.
I almost felt as though I was crying because they could not feel it for themselves. But, then to lift it up. Lift it up to the only One who sees all of this and the parts that I cannot see.
O Lord. Why are our hearts so hard? Why do we continue in our wickedness and refuse to bow before You and see that You are God and that this is a human being? That this daughter's life has already and will be changed forever for murdering her own child's life? Lord. Save us, I plead, from ourselves. May we see the devastation of this. How are our hearts so apathetic to this? How can we stay silent? How can we not cry out? How can we not fight? How can we not share the truth and plead that they know You?
I knew in my heart what they had already determined in their hearts. I knew that we would be unable to break through.
But, You, O Lord, can. Only You.
You are the only One who could break through mine.
You are the only One who can heal anyone's heart.
So we beg for You to open us and heal us and heal those who come. For You to heal this woman and her daughter.
But then I am reminded "that all the dark can't stop the light from getting through" as my church family sang yesterday in together.
From Is He Worthy? by Andrew Peterson
And, I'm reminded of another Rock.
This day was bright and crisp, shining with the sun's liquid rays of gold.
And yet, the light seemed unable to break through this woman's heart or her young daughter's heart.
Cold.
I felt as though I was speaking to a boulder.
Solid. Rigid. Unmovable. Unrelenting.
Before the daughter was out of the ultrasound room, the mother was on the phone.
"I want to schedule an abortion."
As, they left, our nurse and client advocate who met with her, spoke the truth and lovingly called after, "we will be in touch. Thank you for coming and for listening."
I could not stop the tears from coming to my eyes.
I could not stop the tears from flowing down my face.
This woman's heart has been so deeply wounded by her own sin and the sins of others that she has taught her daughter the same thing. The hardness was impenetrable.
I almost felt as though I was crying because they could not feel it for themselves. But, then to lift it up. Lift it up to the only One who sees all of this and the parts that I cannot see.
O Lord. Why are our hearts so hard? Why do we continue in our wickedness and refuse to bow before You and see that You are God and that this is a human being? That this daughter's life has already and will be changed forever for murdering her own child's life? Lord. Save us, I plead, from ourselves. May we see the devastation of this. How are our hearts so apathetic to this? How can we stay silent? How can we not cry out? How can we not fight? How can we not share the truth and plead that they know You?
I knew in my heart what they had already determined in their hearts. I knew that we would be unable to break through.
But, You, O Lord, can. Only You.
You are the only One who could break through mine.
You are the only One who can heal anyone's heart.
So we beg for You to open us and heal us and heal those who come. For You to heal this woman and her daughter.
But then I am reminded "that all the dark can't stop the light from getting through" as my church family sang yesterday in together.
From Is He Worthy? by Andrew Peterson
And, I'm reminded of another Rock.
O Lord, My Rock and my Redeemer
Gracious Savior of my ruined life
My guilt and cross laid on Your shoulders
In my place You suffered, bled and died
You rose, the grave and death are conquered
Gracious Savior of my ruined life
My guilt and cross laid on Your shoulders
In my place You suffered, bled and died
You rose, the grave and death are conquered
You broke my bonds of sin and shame
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer
May all my days bring glory to Your Name
This cannot make sense and this cannot be helped without You. O Lord, break their bondage and may they KNOW You.
We trust You, Lord and we know that You are good.
Be glorified.
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