Rejoice always

Rejoice in the Lord always! 

And again, I say, "Rejoice!" 

Rejoice in the Lord always! 

And again, I say, "Rejoice!" 

I am such a striver. I won't go down without a fight. Or I will run the other way. It must be perfect- I must be perfect, but oh, oh... I know that it isn't possible and so I continue in the endless cycle or fighting or fleeing after what cannot be fixed. 

And, then, here come those hopeless feelings: defeat, failure, unworthy, not enough, too much. 

Just be held. Just be here. I did. I found you. You didn't find me- I found YOU. 

It breaks through and quiets me for a brief moment until I am washed again with the overwhelming worry and the craven fear that creeps in before I even know that it is drowning me again. 

I am with you always. My steadfast love endures forever. Jesus paid it all and His blood has washed your crimson stain white as snow. 

But... 

It's so very easy to doubt. To fear. To worry. To strive. To try to control. 

I am the LORD. I am holy. I did it. I can do it. I WILL do it. Trust me, child. I love you more than you know. I sent my Son to die for you, you know. My Spirit is with you and revealed that to you. 

I think half to myself, half to the Lord, But, my feelings are so very overwhelming and my heart condemns me... Are you even real? Are you even there? Will I always feel this way? 

Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in ALL your ways acknowledge HIM, and He will make straight your paths. My dear, sometimes trusting is just letting me hold you. Give me your heart. Cast all your cares on me, for I care for you. I will not permit my righteous to be removed. The sacrifices of the Lord are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O Lord, you will not despise. 

Praise the Lord. I feel pretty broken. Body, mind, soul and heart kind of broken. 

Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS! I will say it again, "REJOICE!" 

Even now. Rejoice in ALL circumstances. Rejoice always. He doesn't say when you feel like it. But, at all times. 

I am not unable to sympathize with your pain and weaknesses: Jesus endured all and is interceding on your behalf. He loves you so- even in all the pain of the waiting in the garden, He endured the cross for the joy set before Him to honor and obey me. And in doing so, He ransomed you. You will have what He has. Eternal life and union with Me. All glory and honor and praise be to God forever and ever. Amen. 

His Word, not my feelings, are to be trusted. My feelings, yes, acknowledge them, even offer them up to the Lord, but do not trust them. Trust what is true, lovely, honorable- reflect on these things. Trust what is able to divide soul and spirit, joints and marrow, it judges. Trust what is infallible and from the inspiration and authority of God Himself. Trust what has become flesh in Jesus Christ. Trust the Word of God. 

Praise be to God, that He found me and saved me and won't rest until He renews my mind and captures my heart, sealing it for His courts above. Praise the Lord that I am His. Not because I deserve it, but because of Jesus Christ.