Written Friday, May 4th, 2012. God was softening my hard heart. He reminds me of my hard heart when I reread this. Written with the story of Hosea in mind.
Please be my inspiration
My every innovation
With each passing aspiration
Conform my heart to yours
As I sigh in bliss,
Please hear my only wish:
To be your only kiss
Though I belong to whores,
For I have lusted and lied
I have munipulated and cried
those crocodile tears for years
Though I outwardly appear pure
My heart is made of stone
To darkness I am prone
And I fear to live alone
As the shadows of yester year
My flesh cries out for blood
For I am a bridesmaid of Jezabel's kind
I run away with the whore of Hosea
I am lost and gone astray
And so here I am today:
Broken pieces of jars of clay
But, in this brokeness I have found-
You are all around
You capture my gossamer broken wispy wings
I am the dead luna larvae
Stripped from its chryalis
Gutted and raped and rotted away
But, yet, as a new dawn breaks,
And the foundations of mountains quake,
And my dead listless soul begins to ache,
I rise up from the ashes
Through grey drips and symbol crashes
As the crook'd light ever flashes
Through fire, I metamorphize
My stomach turns inside out
My brain implodes with pain
A rhythmic pounding of the rain
grows louder than my fluttering accelerating pulse
My skin melts in molten malt
I am clearly aware of every fault
Excruciatingly made lower than the feces of worms
Dispair, disgust, and depriciation
Smother my sinking spirit
The silence rings and yet I hear it
The presentless rains and gonging thunders of justice
As my body is demolished,
Through Hades fires and Sheol's Hells, I rise
with the shadow of a phoenix
On luna wings, I fly
Reborn to never die-
A bride metamorphisized from a whore
White replaces the black I once wore
To be with You evermore.
Monday, July 2, 2012
To Vanity
These are some things that God has been teaching me. I have to relearn this on a daily basis. (I wrote this poem on Oct. 2011 my first semester in college.)
I exort you! Oh, ladies, do not succumb to self-pity and the lies of Satan! You are beautiful and God has created you to reflect His beauty and grace in a way that no other person could! Only because of His grace!
Remember, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."- Prov. 31:30.
"And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive..."- Titus 2:4-5
The most beautiful thing in a woman is to see the gospel lived out in a selfless heart that loves the Lord and follows His Word.
Ah, vanity, vanity
What have you done to me?
I listen to your lies
All you desire is my demise
Never content; wanting more
You don't relent; out your lies pour
I believe your best interest,
Until corruption will invest
And I find myself in deeper
than before
Until I am a bitter, old weeper
Who drowns in self pity
Whose soul is nasty and gritty
What more do I deserve
Than what I am served
And, yet, God has blessed me
Only my beauty does He see
Restored by His grace
Until it lights up my face
And, humbled, again, I turn
To He, who loves me though I spurn
And He uplifts my downcast head
Until my heart that once was lead
Is lighter than the air itself
So that I turn from myself
Once again, praise His name
For only He is worthy of fame
I am not worthy at all
Because I stumble and fall
But, He honors me with His call
I am His beloved, chosen child
Who is proud, arrogant, and wild
But is tamed by His touch
From my little, He will make much
Because He is incredible, amazing God
My Counselor, Lover, Strength, and Rod
So, vanity, beware of the Lord!
For He will desicate you with His sword
For you are proud, and you He does despise
Vanity, hear me- for you will see:
Your own victory will be your own demise.
I exort you! Oh, ladies, do not succumb to self-pity and the lies of Satan! You are beautiful and God has created you to reflect His beauty and grace in a way that no other person could! Only because of His grace!
Remember, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."- Prov. 31:30.
"And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive..."- Titus 2:4-5
The most beautiful thing in a woman is to see the gospel lived out in a selfless heart that loves the Lord and follows His Word.
Ah, vanity, vanity
What have you done to me?
I listen to your lies
All you desire is my demise
Never content; wanting more
You don't relent; out your lies pour
I believe your best interest,
Until corruption will invest
And I find myself in deeper
than before
Until I am a bitter, old weeper
Who drowns in self pity
Whose soul is nasty and gritty
What more do I deserve
Than what I am served
And, yet, God has blessed me
Only my beauty does He see
Restored by His grace
Until it lights up my face
And, humbled, again, I turn
To He, who loves me though I spurn
And He uplifts my downcast head
Until my heart that once was lead
Is lighter than the air itself
So that I turn from myself
Once again, praise His name
For only He is worthy of fame
I am not worthy at all
Because I stumble and fall
But, He honors me with His call
I am His beloved, chosen child
Who is proud, arrogant, and wild
But is tamed by His touch
From my little, He will make much
Because He is incredible, amazing God
My Counselor, Lover, Strength, and Rod
So, vanity, beware of the Lord!
For He will desicate you with His sword
For you are proud, and you He does despise
Vanity, hear me- for you will see:
Your own victory will be your own demise.
My Mother's Golden Rose
I wrote this for a project in my AP English class my junior year of highschool.
We were walking through the forest- my daddy, the king, my mummy, the queen, and my two younger brothers. The trees swished their branches lazily in the cool breeze. The velvet red sun was slipping behind the mountains in the distance, leaving a pink trail in its wake. All that I could hear was the quiet crunching of the crisp, fallen leaves on the hard-packed ground. The roses were the only flowers that dwelled there in the forest. They were of all colors. Blue ones, red ones, pink ones, yellow ones, orange ones, green ones, purple ones, white ones, black ones, and silver ones. The forest burst with color from them. So beautiful, so serene, so innocent. But that day, I was walking with my mother and father while my younger brothers ran ahead- it was there. My youngest brother, Noah, found it and ran to us shouting, “Mummy, Daddy, Melody!! Come! Come!! Me ‘n Jesse found sump’n!! It’s a rose! A rose!!”
We followed Noah and Jesse, thinking that they were talking about all the roses around us. As they were only five and four years old, they often led us to roses that looked like the ones we usually saw on our visits to the forest. And Noah would say, “It’s for Mummy!!” And my mother would pick it and bring it home with her to put it in her favorite vase that I made her. It had butterflies on it- I had painted it for her birthday last year- it was her favorite.
But this time it was different…It wasn’t just any rose- this rose was gold. We had never seen a golden rose before. It was alone, one rose on a single, thorny stem. A ray of the sun’s last beams of light hit it in a way that gave it an angelic aura. The petals curled perfectly away from its bud. Maybe it was my imagination, but I thought I heard music, and it seemed as though the music was coming from the rose. “Pick it, Mummy!” shouted Noah, and soon Jesse joined in, “Pick it!”
My mother laughed her silver bell laugh and said with a smile, “All right! All right! I will.”
As she promised, she bent down and picked the special flower. “Ouch!” A little drop of blood oozed from her ring finger. Glancing up at my brothers’ faces, she said quickly, “Oh, it’s nothing to worry about. I will clean it when I get home.”
But as we walked on, my mother’s face grew paler and strained. I saw my father watching her anxiously. But, whenever he met my eyes, he smiled a strained smile as though nothing was wrong.
“Caroline, are you all right?” I heard him whisper into her ear.
“Oh, just a little weary, I suppose.” She patted his hand and smiled weakly.
“Are you sure? We can go home now… I will call the griffins.” I don’t think I had ever heard my father sound so worried.
“No, no, James. I’m fine! Stop worrying!” She stretched up to her tip-toes to kiss him but fell to her knees.
“Mother!” I screamed and ran to her side.
My father whistled sharply and then scooped my mother up in his strong arms. He started to walk briskly toward a clearing in the forest. The boys, confused, ran after him.
“The rose!” My mother cried, twisting her head to look at me. “Melody, please get my rose!”
“Yes, Mother! I will!” I ran back to the spot where my mother had fallen and saw the rose lying on the hard-packed ground. I picked it up gingerly, being careful not to prick my fingers as my mother had on its thorns. How strange, they were black… I had never seen black thorns before. The stem was black, too. An inky, midnight black. The rose no longer looked beautiful. As soon as I had seen its black stem and thorns, its beauty had faded. It looked wrinkled. And old- as though it was a thousand years old. I smelled something putrid. It was the rose. A small, black, spindly spider crawled out of the crumpling petals and hopped onto my hand. I dropped the golden rose and shook my hand to get the spider off. It clung onto my hand. I swept it off with my other hand and stomped it with my foot. But, the spider was unharmed. Unfazed, the spider scampered off into the brush. I looked at the rose, and I felt a shiver, like icy-cold fingers run up my spine. I looked at the rose. It had become a rotting, hideous black thing… How could something so repulsive have the appearance of something so pure? I felt a bizarre sensation creeping upon my consciousness, as though all the joy in the world was an allusion. The rose was sucking all of my happiness, peace, and hope. I had to leave this place! Scared, I ran back to my father and my mother in the forest’s clearing, without the rose.
My brothers were kneeling with my father beside my mother. I looked at her and started to cry. Her face was whiter than any snowfall our kingdom had ever seen. It was drained of all color. Her thick, dark hair was spanned out all over the dirt and made her face look even whiter. Her bright, green eyes were glazed and dull. My mother was
dying. The thought hit me with such force that I fell to my knees beside her.
“Did you get my rose, Melody?” She whispered so softly I barely heard her.
“What? Oh, no. I didn’t. It was lost. I’m sorry, mother.” I hated to lie to her, but I knew that if I told her what the rose had become it would break her heart.
I heard wings. Looking up, I saw the griffins. They were so obedient, so loyal- they had immediately responded to my father’s whistle. My father jumped up and spoke to them.
“Quick! We must get Queen Caroline back to the castle at once!”
“No, James. It’s too late.” Again my mother spoke so quietly that we could barely hear her.
My father looked crazed. “What are you talking about, Caroline?? Of course, it’s not too late!!” He turned to the two griffins, pleading now. “Elijah, Gabriel, please.”
“No, she is right. It is too late.” I thought I saw a tear trickle down the feathers on Elijah’s face.
My mother looked at me and murmured, “Melody, sing me a song. I want to hear you sing one more time.”
Tears fell down my face faster. “Okay.” My voice broke.
“Oh, Melody, Melody. Don’t cry, my Melody!” My mother looked at me; her green eyes were suddenly bright. “Sing for me. Sing me a song.”
I did. I sang her a song - I had never written a song before. But the words just flowed from my heart.
“You are dying.
And I watch while crying.
And I want to make you better,
but I can’t.
But don’t leave me.
Oh please, my mother.”
That is how the chorus went. My mother smiled and said, “So beautiful, Melody. So beautiful. But, sad. I won’t leave you. I promise I will never leave you. I will always be in your heart. Always. Always.” She sighed quietly, closed her eyes, and said no more.
“Mother? Mother!” I cried harder.
“Caroline!! Caroline, Caroline, Caroline!” My father kissed her fiercely over and over again, but she was gone.
“Mummy? What’s wrong with her, Melody?” My brothers shouted shrilly, starting to cry.
I only cried harder. The griffins took Noah and Jesse under their wings, while they fought back crying out, “No! NO!! We want Mummy!!”
“We have to head back now.” My father’s voice had turned hard.
“Father?” I sniffed and reached out to him.
He pulled away, turning his face from me, but not before I saw the tears glistening on his cheeks. I had never seen my father cry before. “We have to return to the kingdom and prepare for the funeral.” My father’s voice softened and broke. He looked up and blinked rapidly.
“King James, we are ready when you are.” Gabriel stood erect with Jesse folded under his wing.
My father wiped the tears from his face angrily. “Yes, of course. Let’s go.”
Gabriel and Elijah swept the boys onto their backs. Elijah bent to his knees for my father, who swung himself onto his back with grace. Clumsily, I clambered onto Gabriel’s back with Jesse, who was in shock. The boys somewhat understood what had happened. Noah was sobbing uncontrollably, and Jesse was rocking back and forth and staring ahead with glazed, tear-filled eyes. My father was staring ahead, holding my mother tightly in his arms the whole ride back home. But, when we arrived home, my father could hold it in no longer. He cried for a long time.
The next week was a blur. I only remember parts of it… The funeral, though, I remember so vividly. It seems as though it was only yesterday. Practically the whole kingdom showed up it. Ironically, roses were everywhere in the room, but that’s what my mother had told us she wanted. Her coffin was a bright yellow, which almost made me smile. My mother never wanted to be buried in, as she said, “a dull, gloomy-colored coffin. Instead, make my coffin bright yellow.” The ceremony was unbearably long. My mother wouldn’t have liked it. She would have stood up and said, “All right! Stop! Talk about the good times we had together, not about how much you miss me!” I almostexpected her to, but she didn’t, of course. Everyone came up to my father, my brothers, and me and told us how sorry they were and what a blessing she had been to the kingdom. I wanted to shout, “Of course you are sorry! But, that doesn’t bring her back, now, does it?” My father’s face was stony. My brothers were so quiet it was unnerving. And, I, well, I hardly know how I was…
Just when I thought that I couldn’t stand another person telling us how much they loved her and missed her, he came up to us. I don’t remember what his face looked like. He was dressed very plainly. So plainly, in fact, that as he walked up to my mother’s coffin and us, I thought Don’t tell me how much you miss her…You didn’t even care enough to dress up for her funeral. You don’t deserve to be here…
Whenever I think back on that fickle thought, I realize how unjust it is to judge people before I know them. For you see, this man saved us. I still wonder to this day if he actually heard my thoughts. For, he turned to me and said in a lyrical voice, “I know you don’t know me. And I know I’m not dressed up all nice like everyone else. But, I wanted to come here to tell you that your mother is one of my favorite people in the whole world. I love her very much. And I love you all just as much. And I hate to see you all grieving. You don’t understand how much it hurts me to see you sad. So, I will give you your Caroline back.” He turned to the coffin, bent down over my mother, and kissed her face.
Then the most miraculous thing in the world happened… My mother sat up.
She looked at the stranger, and said, “Thank you, it was so uncomfortable lying in this thing.” He laughed joyfully, helped her out of the yellow coffin, and hugged her tightly. She turned to us and embraced us. She kissed the top of our heads and kissed my father for a long time. She laughed her silver bell laugh at our shocked faces. Then my father’s face lit up with euphoria at the full realization of what had happened. My brothers became louder than I had ever heard them before, laughing more than I had ever heard anyone laugh. And I, well, no words can describe how I was feeling…
My mother was alive! She was dead, but she was alive now!!! I couldn’t wrap my mind around it! It seemed like a horrible dream that had ended. All the sad, weeping people began to rejoice. The queen, my mother, who was dead, had risen from death! It was a miracle! God must have smiled on us that day. After a while of singing, laughing, and chatting with everyone, I remembered the man. I turned, looked, searched, but he was gone. He must have disappeared in all the celebration. I regret my hasty judgments of him. I regret that we never thanked him. I will never forget him and what he did for us. We celebrated for a week; it was the biggest, happiest, and glorious celebration the kingdom had ever known.
We have gone to the forest many times afterwards. I never told my mother about the rose, and I never bothered my brothers with it either. But, I told my father about it. I don’t think that he ever fully believed me and that the rose had killed my mother.
I have been to the forest many times by myself since that day. I walk past the spot were my mother picked the rose. Past the spot where I dropped it. Past the spot where the spider escaped. Past the spot where my mother died. I have searched. I have seen many different roses, but never again have I seen a golden rose. I don’t know what I would have done if I found another one. But, I can’t say that I am disappointed, though.
We were walking through the forest- my daddy, the king, my mummy, the queen, and my two younger brothers. The trees swished their branches lazily in the cool breeze. The velvet red sun was slipping behind the mountains in the distance, leaving a pink trail in its wake. All that I could hear was the quiet crunching of the crisp, fallen leaves on the hard-packed ground. The roses were the only flowers that dwelled there in the forest. They were of all colors. Blue ones, red ones, pink ones, yellow ones, orange ones, green ones, purple ones, white ones, black ones, and silver ones. The forest burst with color from them. So beautiful, so serene, so innocent. But that day, I was walking with my mother and father while my younger brothers ran ahead- it was there. My youngest brother, Noah, found it and ran to us shouting, “Mummy, Daddy, Melody!! Come! Come!! Me ‘n Jesse found sump’n!! It’s a rose! A rose!!”
We followed Noah and Jesse, thinking that they were talking about all the roses around us. As they were only five and four years old, they often led us to roses that looked like the ones we usually saw on our visits to the forest. And Noah would say, “It’s for Mummy!!” And my mother would pick it and bring it home with her to put it in her favorite vase that I made her. It had butterflies on it- I had painted it for her birthday last year- it was her favorite.
But this time it was different…It wasn’t just any rose- this rose was gold. We had never seen a golden rose before. It was alone, one rose on a single, thorny stem. A ray of the sun’s last beams of light hit it in a way that gave it an angelic aura. The petals curled perfectly away from its bud. Maybe it was my imagination, but I thought I heard music, and it seemed as though the music was coming from the rose. “Pick it, Mummy!” shouted Noah, and soon Jesse joined in, “Pick it!”
My mother laughed her silver bell laugh and said with a smile, “All right! All right! I will.”
As she promised, she bent down and picked the special flower. “Ouch!” A little drop of blood oozed from her ring finger. Glancing up at my brothers’ faces, she said quickly, “Oh, it’s nothing to worry about. I will clean it when I get home.”
But as we walked on, my mother’s face grew paler and strained. I saw my father watching her anxiously. But, whenever he met my eyes, he smiled a strained smile as though nothing was wrong.
“Caroline, are you all right?” I heard him whisper into her ear.
“Oh, just a little weary, I suppose.” She patted his hand and smiled weakly.
“Are you sure? We can go home now… I will call the griffins.” I don’t think I had ever heard my father sound so worried.
“No, no, James. I’m fine! Stop worrying!” She stretched up to her tip-toes to kiss him but fell to her knees.
“Mother!” I screamed and ran to her side.
My father whistled sharply and then scooped my mother up in his strong arms. He started to walk briskly toward a clearing in the forest. The boys, confused, ran after him.
“The rose!” My mother cried, twisting her head to look at me. “Melody, please get my rose!”
“Yes, Mother! I will!” I ran back to the spot where my mother had fallen and saw the rose lying on the hard-packed ground. I picked it up gingerly, being careful not to prick my fingers as my mother had on its thorns. How strange, they were black… I had never seen black thorns before. The stem was black, too. An inky, midnight black. The rose no longer looked beautiful. As soon as I had seen its black stem and thorns, its beauty had faded. It looked wrinkled. And old- as though it was a thousand years old. I smelled something putrid. It was the rose. A small, black, spindly spider crawled out of the crumpling petals and hopped onto my hand. I dropped the golden rose and shook my hand to get the spider off. It clung onto my hand. I swept it off with my other hand and stomped it with my foot. But, the spider was unharmed. Unfazed, the spider scampered off into the brush. I looked at the rose, and I felt a shiver, like icy-cold fingers run up my spine. I looked at the rose. It had become a rotting, hideous black thing… How could something so repulsive have the appearance of something so pure? I felt a bizarre sensation creeping upon my consciousness, as though all the joy in the world was an allusion. The rose was sucking all of my happiness, peace, and hope. I had to leave this place! Scared, I ran back to my father and my mother in the forest’s clearing, without the rose.
My brothers were kneeling with my father beside my mother. I looked at her and started to cry. Her face was whiter than any snowfall our kingdom had ever seen. It was drained of all color. Her thick, dark hair was spanned out all over the dirt and made her face look even whiter. Her bright, green eyes were glazed and dull. My mother was
dying. The thought hit me with such force that I fell to my knees beside her.
“Did you get my rose, Melody?” She whispered so softly I barely heard her.
“What? Oh, no. I didn’t. It was lost. I’m sorry, mother.” I hated to lie to her, but I knew that if I told her what the rose had become it would break her heart.
I heard wings. Looking up, I saw the griffins. They were so obedient, so loyal- they had immediately responded to my father’s whistle. My father jumped up and spoke to them.
“Quick! We must get Queen Caroline back to the castle at once!”
“No, James. It’s too late.” Again my mother spoke so quietly that we could barely hear her.
My father looked crazed. “What are you talking about, Caroline?? Of course, it’s not too late!!” He turned to the two griffins, pleading now. “Elijah, Gabriel, please.”
“No, she is right. It is too late.” I thought I saw a tear trickle down the feathers on Elijah’s face.
My mother looked at me and murmured, “Melody, sing me a song. I want to hear you sing one more time.”
Tears fell down my face faster. “Okay.” My voice broke.
“Oh, Melody, Melody. Don’t cry, my Melody!” My mother looked at me; her green eyes were suddenly bright. “Sing for me. Sing me a song.”
I did. I sang her a song - I had never written a song before. But the words just flowed from my heart.
“You are dying.
And I watch while crying.
And I want to make you better,
but I can’t.
But don’t leave me.
Oh please, my mother.”
That is how the chorus went. My mother smiled and said, “So beautiful, Melody. So beautiful. But, sad. I won’t leave you. I promise I will never leave you. I will always be in your heart. Always. Always.” She sighed quietly, closed her eyes, and said no more.
“Mother? Mother!” I cried harder.
“Caroline!! Caroline, Caroline, Caroline!” My father kissed her fiercely over and over again, but she was gone.
“Mummy? What’s wrong with her, Melody?” My brothers shouted shrilly, starting to cry.
I only cried harder. The griffins took Noah and Jesse under their wings, while they fought back crying out, “No! NO!! We want Mummy!!”
“We have to head back now.” My father’s voice had turned hard.
“Father?” I sniffed and reached out to him.
He pulled away, turning his face from me, but not before I saw the tears glistening on his cheeks. I had never seen my father cry before. “We have to return to the kingdom and prepare for the funeral.” My father’s voice softened and broke. He looked up and blinked rapidly.
“King James, we are ready when you are.” Gabriel stood erect with Jesse folded under his wing.
My father wiped the tears from his face angrily. “Yes, of course. Let’s go.”
Gabriel and Elijah swept the boys onto their backs. Elijah bent to his knees for my father, who swung himself onto his back with grace. Clumsily, I clambered onto Gabriel’s back with Jesse, who was in shock. The boys somewhat understood what had happened. Noah was sobbing uncontrollably, and Jesse was rocking back and forth and staring ahead with glazed, tear-filled eyes. My father was staring ahead, holding my mother tightly in his arms the whole ride back home. But, when we arrived home, my father could hold it in no longer. He cried for a long time.
The next week was a blur. I only remember parts of it… The funeral, though, I remember so vividly. It seems as though it was only yesterday. Practically the whole kingdom showed up it. Ironically, roses were everywhere in the room, but that’s what my mother had told us she wanted. Her coffin was a bright yellow, which almost made me smile. My mother never wanted to be buried in, as she said, “a dull, gloomy-colored coffin. Instead, make my coffin bright yellow.” The ceremony was unbearably long. My mother wouldn’t have liked it. She would have stood up and said, “All right! Stop! Talk about the good times we had together, not about how much you miss me!” I almostexpected her to, but she didn’t, of course. Everyone came up to my father, my brothers, and me and told us how sorry they were and what a blessing she had been to the kingdom. I wanted to shout, “Of course you are sorry! But, that doesn’t bring her back, now, does it?” My father’s face was stony. My brothers were so quiet it was unnerving. And, I, well, I hardly know how I was…
Just when I thought that I couldn’t stand another person telling us how much they loved her and missed her, he came up to us. I don’t remember what his face looked like. He was dressed very plainly. So plainly, in fact, that as he walked up to my mother’s coffin and us, I thought Don’t tell me how much you miss her…You didn’t even care enough to dress up for her funeral. You don’t deserve to be here…
Whenever I think back on that fickle thought, I realize how unjust it is to judge people before I know them. For you see, this man saved us. I still wonder to this day if he actually heard my thoughts. For, he turned to me and said in a lyrical voice, “I know you don’t know me. And I know I’m not dressed up all nice like everyone else. But, I wanted to come here to tell you that your mother is one of my favorite people in the whole world. I love her very much. And I love you all just as much. And I hate to see you all grieving. You don’t understand how much it hurts me to see you sad. So, I will give you your Caroline back.” He turned to the coffin, bent down over my mother, and kissed her face.
Then the most miraculous thing in the world happened… My mother sat up.
She looked at the stranger, and said, “Thank you, it was so uncomfortable lying in this thing.” He laughed joyfully, helped her out of the yellow coffin, and hugged her tightly. She turned to us and embraced us. She kissed the top of our heads and kissed my father for a long time. She laughed her silver bell laugh at our shocked faces. Then my father’s face lit up with euphoria at the full realization of what had happened. My brothers became louder than I had ever heard them before, laughing more than I had ever heard anyone laugh. And I, well, no words can describe how I was feeling…
My mother was alive! She was dead, but she was alive now!!! I couldn’t wrap my mind around it! It seemed like a horrible dream that had ended. All the sad, weeping people began to rejoice. The queen, my mother, who was dead, had risen from death! It was a miracle! God must have smiled on us that day. After a while of singing, laughing, and chatting with everyone, I remembered the man. I turned, looked, searched, but he was gone. He must have disappeared in all the celebration. I regret my hasty judgments of him. I regret that we never thanked him. I will never forget him and what he did for us. We celebrated for a week; it was the biggest, happiest, and glorious celebration the kingdom had ever known.
We have gone to the forest many times afterwards. I never told my mother about the rose, and I never bothered my brothers with it either. But, I told my father about it. I don’t think that he ever fully believed me and that the rose had killed my mother.
I have been to the forest many times by myself since that day. I walk past the spot were my mother picked the rose. Past the spot where I dropped it. Past the spot where the spider escaped. Past the spot where my mother died. I have searched. I have seen many different roses, but never again have I seen a golden rose. I don’t know what I would have done if I found another one. But, I can’t say that I am disappointed, though.
Tribure to Past Friends and Present Ones and New Ones
I wrote this in July 2011 in bittersweet anticipation of moving to South Carolina from Colorado a week before I went off to college.
Sweet blue skies
and starry eyes
As time flies
Come goodbyes.
New hello
Who will know
Where I'll go
How I'll grow.
Old and new
Me and you.
Who knows?
Love grows.
Maybe ours will too.
Leap of faith.
Think too hard
and fall.
Pick up again.
Thanks, my friend
for sticking through it all.
New town.
Little frown.
Turn it upsidedown.
Big smile. :)
after a while,
grows a mile.
Happiness,
Loveliness:
Things that describe us.
We are mortals
in a fairy world
full of beautiful and ugly things.
We find new portals
to new universes
to fulfill our dreams.
So dream on
while you're awake
and my heart will ever break.
But, at least I feel.
At least I'm real.
At least I have feelings at all.
'Cause now and then I'll fall
but it's caring that matters
even if it leaves me in tatters.
At least I have a heart to move on.
This makes me stronger
to hold on a little longer
and do what I have dreamed I can do.
Me and you
Friends, true blue
Hold my hand tight
Step into the light
for this beautiful, ugly world awaits us.
Let's conquer it
whether or not we part
together in heart
always.
Don't worry- we will meet again.
In a new world without pain.
So stand tall in the rain
even if you stand alone.
Walk on, my friend
I will see you in the end
In an adventure of our own.
I miss you
I'd kiss you
but then goodbye would be harder.
So I'll give you a hug
to send you my love
and then I will walk away.
I will look back just once
give a little wave
and walk on into the dusk.
Where I go?
I don't know.
But, just know
I will see you again.
Sweet blue skies
and starry eyes
As time flies
Come goodbyes.
New hello
Who will know
Where I'll go
How I'll grow.
Old and new
Me and you.
Who knows?
Love grows.
Maybe ours will too.
Leap of faith.
Think too hard
and fall.
Pick up again.
Thanks, my friend
for sticking through it all.
New town.
Little frown.
Turn it upsidedown.
Big smile. :)
after a while,
grows a mile.
Happiness,
Loveliness:
Things that describe us.
We are mortals
in a fairy world
full of beautiful and ugly things.
We find new portals
to new universes
to fulfill our dreams.
So dream on
while you're awake
and my heart will ever break.
But, at least I feel.
At least I'm real.
At least I have feelings at all.
'Cause now and then I'll fall
but it's caring that matters
even if it leaves me in tatters.
At least I have a heart to move on.
This makes me stronger
to hold on a little longer
and do what I have dreamed I can do.
Me and you
Friends, true blue
Hold my hand tight
Step into the light
for this beautiful, ugly world awaits us.
Let's conquer it
whether or not we part
together in heart
always.
Don't worry- we will meet again.
In a new world without pain.
So stand tall in the rain
even if you stand alone.
Walk on, my friend
I will see you in the end
In an adventure of our own.
I miss you
I'd kiss you
but then goodbye would be harder.
So I'll give you a hug
to send you my love
and then I will walk away.
I will look back just once
give a little wave
and walk on into the dusk.
Where I go?
I don't know.
But, just know
I will see you again.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Transformation that Changes
Heart trembles a little bit
Deep breath, open eyes
Can I take control of it?
"No more lies!" my heart cries as it dies.
Time to rise again from the ashes
Not of myself but of something new
Though this old heart clashes
The new one rings true
It over comes- more powerful than the old
No longer timid and weak
Instead powerful and bold
But also humble and meek
For it is no longer myself I seek
But something different than before
Lustful passions can be overcome
No longer am I undone
But I am won with a loving victorious cry
"YOU ARE MINE!"
So I will be Thine
I will entwine
my everyday life with the mandates
of Your commands
Forgive me that the desires of my old self
slither back and posion my heart
But I let it
though I regret it
But again You call me back to you
"My child, my child, don't play this game.
You are Mine, My Own, My Beloved."
You say it with love and no condemnation
Though I deserve devastation and damnation
You took my death sentence
and You gave me life I could never even dream of
my life of hideous solitude
became community and unity by a multitude
I was the walking dead
But now I am a flying phoneix
Burning with passion for my Savior and Redeemer
You loved me
An enemy who hated you with sterile apathy
You transformed me into a compassionate symphony
It rings over and over in my head
No longer am I dead!
I am enslaved no more
I am prone to forget
Finite, fickle head
So clean my heart of its venomous lead
Fill it with the love that moves mountains
Joy that overflows fountains
Peace that circulates pure rivers
Patience that waits with care
Kindess that I can share
Goodness that only comes from you
Faithfulness in all that I do
Gentleness in all I hope to be
Self-control that disciplines me
I was never these things on my own
I am Yours
And You are my home
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Love is
Love.
It's a commonly used word. It is used for anything from a crush, mac'n'cheese, or your family. We try to understand it, define it, and talk about it alot. I certainly can't make heads or tails of it. The older I grow in my looong 19 years of life (ha! please note that this is sarcasm- which I am not very fulent in) the more and more it seems that I am starting to grasp the gist of what love is, should be, or what I want it to be, but then it evades me.
Webster's defines love as "a feeling of strong attachment induced by that which delights or commands admiration; preminent kindness or devotion to another." But, what happens when that fades away? What about those moments that we are so mad at someone or dislike them so much that we feel like we might actually hate them? What about when we love someone, but it subsides into indifference? Is it still love? But, the feeling is no longer there- how can it still be love? What happens when it's hard to find that delight that you used to have in someone? Is it gone? How do you make it come back?
I think that love has to be more than a feeling of delight or attachment. Because feelings change, our delights change. Could love be a choice rather than a feeling?
But, these are the years that we dreamed of- the years of youthful love- when we find that special someone! Girls sigh and watch their Jane Austen movies and chick flicks with glazed eyes. Someday my prince will come. A commonly used statement among girls that rings with a subtle hollowness of desperate desire. And the frequently asked questions among those of us who wait is- WHEN? HOW LONG? Who is to answer these questions that so longingly well up inside of us?
Well, God is. The Bible says in 1 John 4:7-12, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent His only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our siins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and His love is perfected in us."
Love is a choice. It can't just be a feeling. Matthew 5:43-48 says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." If love comes from God, it is possible to love those who we find it hard to love. And, it is possible to love them not because they can do something for us but because God loved us and calls us to love us so that we can bring them to Christ.
But, what about liking people or falling in love? Well, lately I have been thinking alot about that. It scares me to think that people can like someone and then completely change their minds with no regrets and suddenly, be "in love" with someone else. Well, it feels good at the time, but what happens later when the passion fades? What about marriage? When you love someone so much that you marry them- what happens two years later when you aren't in the lovey dovey honeymoon stage anymore? What happens when you have that first fight? What happens when they annoy you and you can't overlook those faults anymore? Well, then love is either fickle and finite or it has to be something so much more than a fleeting blow torch of passion. When that passion burns out, you have to decide to love them still. True love's source is Jesus Christ. “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. These things I command you, that you love one another." John 15:11-17. He humbled Himself, became like us, and He died, taking God's wrath upon Himself while we were still His enemies. That's true love. If we think it's hard to love our enemies, imagine how hard it was for God to love His creation who was in rebellion against Him and hated Him! Yet, He loved us anyway even though He despises sin and everything that we are at our core- He loved us and died for us anyway. Now, that is love!
I'm going to be honest. This past year, I had some moments when my emotions were in a frenzy sometimes, and I begged God to take them away, isolating myself, saying, "What is wrong with you, you hypocrite? WAIT ON GOD!!! EXPELL THIS TEMPTATION AND SIN!" What I failed to realize is that my attraction, yes, was based on lust, however, this temptation is not uncommon to man. As it says in 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."
God designed us we a sex-drive. Sex is not a bad thing. However, thinking about these things out of context and viewing each other as someone to gratify our selfish needs is when the temptation becomes a sin. We need to recognize our sin- our perversion of what God has created to be good, and repent. 1 John 1:8-10 says, "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He [God] is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us." God has given us an escape! But, He is not a judge who merely observes our sin and Savior who saves us but also a Father who empathizes with us. He understands our pain. The Bible also says in Hebrews 4:14-16, "Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace that we may recieve mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Christ was fully human and fully God in the flesh on earth. He had the limitations, temptations, and weaknesses that we have felt and possess. But, He is our Creator who was without sin and was, well, God! He was and is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-seeing! But, imagine having this power and then being limited to a body that was a flawed copy of what you once were. But, Philippians 3:6-8 says, "[Jesus] who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of me. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." Girls, guys, we have our Creator who loves us and empathizes with us who has saved us from ourselves, our sin, and the god of this fleshy world! Praise be to God! Jesus saves!
"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:1-4. It is so important that we recognize that the only we can truly love anyone is by the power of Christ's love that is perfected by the Holy Spirit in us. Christ loved and served those around Him above Himself with joy! We are called to do the same.
But, what does this love look like?
It's a commonly used word. It is used for anything from a crush, mac'n'cheese, or your family. We try to understand it, define it, and talk about it alot. I certainly can't make heads or tails of it. The older I grow in my looong 19 years of life (ha! please note that this is sarcasm- which I am not very fulent in) the more and more it seems that I am starting to grasp the gist of what love is, should be, or what I want it to be, but then it evades me.
Webster's defines love as "a feeling of strong attachment induced by that which delights or commands admiration; preminent kindness or devotion to another." But, what happens when that fades away? What about those moments that we are so mad at someone or dislike them so much that we feel like we might actually hate them? What about when we love someone, but it subsides into indifference? Is it still love? But, the feeling is no longer there- how can it still be love? What happens when it's hard to find that delight that you used to have in someone? Is it gone? How do you make it come back?
I think that love has to be more than a feeling of delight or attachment. Because feelings change, our delights change. Could love be a choice rather than a feeling?
But, these are the years that we dreamed of- the years of youthful love- when we find that special someone! Girls sigh and watch their Jane Austen movies and chick flicks with glazed eyes. Someday my prince will come. A commonly used statement among girls that rings with a subtle hollowness of desperate desire. And the frequently asked questions among those of us who wait is- WHEN? HOW LONG? Who is to answer these questions that so longingly well up inside of us?
Well, God is. The Bible says in 1 John 4:7-12, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent His only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our siins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and His love is perfected in us."
Love is a choice. It can't just be a feeling. Matthew 5:43-48 says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." If love comes from God, it is possible to love those who we find it hard to love. And, it is possible to love them not because they can do something for us but because God loved us and calls us to love us so that we can bring them to Christ.
But, what about liking people or falling in love? Well, lately I have been thinking alot about that. It scares me to think that people can like someone and then completely change their minds with no regrets and suddenly, be "in love" with someone else. Well, it feels good at the time, but what happens later when the passion fades? What about marriage? When you love someone so much that you marry them- what happens two years later when you aren't in the lovey dovey honeymoon stage anymore? What happens when you have that first fight? What happens when they annoy you and you can't overlook those faults anymore? Well, then love is either fickle and finite or it has to be something so much more than a fleeting blow torch of passion. When that passion burns out, you have to decide to love them still. True love's source is Jesus Christ. “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. These things I command you, that you love one another." John 15:11-17. He humbled Himself, became like us, and He died, taking God's wrath upon Himself while we were still His enemies. That's true love. If we think it's hard to love our enemies, imagine how hard it was for God to love His creation who was in rebellion against Him and hated Him! Yet, He loved us anyway even though He despises sin and everything that we are at our core- He loved us and died for us anyway. Now, that is love!
I'm going to be honest. This past year, I had some moments when my emotions were in a frenzy sometimes, and I begged God to take them away, isolating myself, saying, "What is wrong with you, you hypocrite? WAIT ON GOD!!! EXPELL THIS TEMPTATION AND SIN!" What I failed to realize is that my attraction, yes, was based on lust, however, this temptation is not uncommon to man. As it says in 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."
God designed us we a sex-drive. Sex is not a bad thing. However, thinking about these things out of context and viewing each other as someone to gratify our selfish needs is when the temptation becomes a sin. We need to recognize our sin- our perversion of what God has created to be good, and repent. 1 John 1:8-10 says, "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He [God] is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us." God has given us an escape! But, He is not a judge who merely observes our sin and Savior who saves us but also a Father who empathizes with us. He understands our pain. The Bible also says in Hebrews 4:14-16, "Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace that we may recieve mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Christ was fully human and fully God in the flesh on earth. He had the limitations, temptations, and weaknesses that we have felt and possess. But, He is our Creator who was without sin and was, well, God! He was and is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-seeing! But, imagine having this power and then being limited to a body that was a flawed copy of what you once were. But, Philippians 3:6-8 says, "[Jesus] who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of me. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." Girls, guys, we have our Creator who loves us and empathizes with us who has saved us from ourselves, our sin, and the god of this fleshy world! Praise be to God! Jesus saves!
"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:1-4. It is so important that we recognize that the only we can truly love anyone is by the power of Christ's love that is perfected by the Holy Spirit in us. Christ loved and served those around Him above Himself with joy! We are called to do the same.
But, what does this love look like?
"Love is patient and kind;
love does not envy or boast;
it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrongdoing,
but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never ends."
1 Cor. 13:4-8a.
Love truly is the most powerful thing in the whole world. "So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Cor. 13:13. We are nothing without love. "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. It I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Cor. 13:1-3. But, because of God's grace and love, we are saved! "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me. Whether then it was I or they, so we preach and so you believed." 1 Cor. 15:10-11. Because Jesus Christ is alive and exalted at the right hand of the throne of God, we, who are in Christ, are promised the same thing! "For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shown in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But, we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." 2 Cor. 4:5-7.
Our deepest desire is to be in love with our Creator, and to worship Him. Everything else is a blessing and gift from our Creator, but only reflects the awesomeness of Him! "Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!" Psalm 37:3-7. When we delight ourselves in God, we find true love, joy, and peace because He is the source of those things!
Galations 5:22-26 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another." So, since we have the Spirit of God in us, we are able to act like Christ because we are in Christ. We can lay down our fleshy lives, and be reborn to love God and love each other before ourselves- serving the body of Christ and sharing the good news of who God is and what He has done for His glorification! That is our song and our call to worship! May we be obedient to the task God has.
"What then is my reward? That in my preaching I may present the gospel free of charge, so as not to make full use of my right in the gospel. For though I am free from all, I have made mysefl a servant to all, that I might win more of them...I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings. Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one recieves the prize? Do run that you may obtain it...So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But, I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." 1 Cor. 9:18,19, 23, 24, 26, 27. May we always read the word so that we will be well disciplined. It is more valuble and important for food for it is the foundation of our very beliefs- it is God's word to us. It is truth. It is God's love story.
Friday, June 1, 2012
A Couple Questions
These are some questions that I ask myself.
Questions that I see in myself mostly.
What makes a person change their opinions so drastically?
What makes people like one kind of music over another?
What makes one person on key and another tone deaf? The sound waves are almost completely similar so why do our brains perceive one sound melodious and the other cacophonous?
What makes someone beautiful?
What makes them physically beautiful? Spiritually?
Why are we attracted to beauty but shy away from what we perceive to be ugly?
Why do we automatically judge when we hate to judged ourselves?
What makes peoples' personalities change for better or for worse?
Can they go back?
Are they stuck that way?
Why can we love some people so easily but others we try, and try, but it is so difficult for us to see them in a positive light?
Why do we fail?
Why do see ourselves a certain way?
What do people see in me?
Why is the sky bright orange to begin off the day when basically no one sees it and it ends orange or pink but we consider it blue because during the middle of the day it appears to be a powder blue?
Why is that the geography, climate, and culture of the same country can have drastic or subtle differences that make it completely unlike other parts of that area?
Questions that I see in myself mostly.
What makes a person change their opinions so drastically?
What makes people like one kind of music over another?
What makes one person on key and another tone deaf? The sound waves are almost completely similar so why do our brains perceive one sound melodious and the other cacophonous?
What makes someone beautiful?
What makes them physically beautiful? Spiritually?
Why are we attracted to beauty but shy away from what we perceive to be ugly?
Why do we automatically judge when we hate to judged ourselves?
What makes peoples' personalities change for better or for worse?
Can they go back?
Are they stuck that way?
Why can we love some people so easily but others we try, and try, but it is so difficult for us to see them in a positive light?
Why do we fail?
Why do see ourselves a certain way?
What do people see in me?
Why is the sky bright orange to begin off the day when basically no one sees it and it ends orange or pink but we consider it blue because during the middle of the day it appears to be a powder blue?
Why is that the geography, climate, and culture of the same country can have drastic or subtle differences that make it completely unlike other parts of that area?
Thursday, May 31, 2012
anti-nostalgic
Hey there. Well, I have never done this before. All this blogging stuff. I have heard a great deal about it. And, I thought that it was interesting and all but never thought that I would do it. Actually, I used be a little disdainful of it. But, over the past few years, and, specifically, the past few months, I have been reading a few friends blogs here and there.... and I have even thought about *gasp* starting one myself. Who knows if anyone would read it, much less even LIKE it. But, here goes.
Me? I, Kait, am a verbal processor. I think things through by talking them out. But, I also process a good bit by writing it out. Sometimes things are alot more rational on paper with scribbled ink than popping out of my big mouth.
Many of my thoughts are poetical in format when I write them out. Not in perfect iambic pentameter, or perfect rhyme or reason, but they speak through a symbolic, poetical language that I cannot quite interpret.
Well, here goes. Venture into the depths of my thoughts (or the surface of them, for I fear this might only skim it.)
Me? I, Kait, am a verbal processor. I think things through by talking them out. But, I also process a good bit by writing it out. Sometimes things are alot more rational on paper with scribbled ink than popping out of my big mouth.
Many of my thoughts are poetical in format when I write them out. Not in perfect iambic pentameter, or perfect rhyme or reason, but they speak through a symbolic, poetical language that I cannot quite interpret.
Well, here goes. Venture into the depths of my thoughts (or the surface of them, for I fear this might only skim it.)
They say that sadness removes the boulder that holds creativity back
That it lets imagination flow...
But, I say it is not so
I say that it comes from a clarity of a rarity of which we lack
For uninhibitted joy of a pure, innocent innovation is an extint animal.
And we have killed it
We shot it and mauled it
and hunted it for SPORT
We have perverted it and averted it
Replaced by hate, lust, and lies
Artificial false imitations
Refusing the REAL THING
Filling the VOID with something
that will momentarily sustain then
leave us
thirstier
and more ravished and desperate than before
till all we want is MORE, MORE, MORE
and TAKE, TAKE, TAKE
the fake, fake, fake
and break, break, break
our hearts which pour out on the floor
a mess of wine-colored guts
that has ROTTED AWAY
full of maggotty, malicious HATE
May this NOT be OUR fate!
SAVE ME!
I cry out and awake
A tear slips out of a scaly, lazy eyelid
I try to hide it, but it comes out anyway
Why am I this way?
Because.
Must there be a reason?
Do we have to rationally understand each season?
Why do you try to please them?
No reason.
I believe them.
But, you shouldn't
Why?
It's a lie.
SO ASK WHY
ALWAYS ask why.
Always let curiosity be a light that guides your way
DO NOT
put
it
out
Fan the flaming fire!
SHOUT IT OUT! SING IT OUT!
This is my desire!
SHOUT IT OUT! SING IT OUT!
This is my desire!
TO KNOW WHY!
But, realize you will not always understand
There will always be questions without answers
But
ask them anyway
Ask them today
Look for the answers
for this life has many to offer
Some are wrong and some are right
some might be left
so go another left to find them
and then, go right back again
It
never
ends
until it's over
So, keep going on, my friend
Don't let them tell you to stop.
Ask anyway
Ask away
Ask any day
Ask today
Why?
Because you won't know until you do
You might not know even then
You might not even know in the end
But, that's okay because in the end,
you might have a different question
So, then, ask those, too
You know what to do
If you don't,
then, you won't
Unless you try to understand why
Don't take their word for it
Don't take MY word for it
Find out for yourself
You won't know until you try
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