The darkness will not overcome the Light

It was all wrong. 

This day was bright and crisp, shining with the sun's liquid rays of gold. 

And yet, the light seemed unable to break through this woman's heart or her young daughter's heart. 
Cold. 
I felt as though I was speaking to a boulder. 
Solid. Rigid. Unmovable. Unrelenting. 
Before the daughter was out of the ultrasound room, the mother was on the phone. 
"I want to schedule an abortion." 

As, they left, our nurse and client advocate who met with her, spoke the truth and lovingly called after, "we will be in touch. Thank you for coming and for listening."  

I could not stop the tears from coming to my eyes. 
I could not stop the tears from flowing down my face. 
This woman's heart has been so deeply wounded by her own sin and the sins of others that she has taught her daughter the same thing. The hardness was impenetrable. 
I almost felt as though I was crying because they could not feel it for themselves. But, then to lift it up. Lift it up to the only One who sees all of this and the parts that I cannot see. 

O Lord. Why are our hearts so hard? Why do we continue in our wickedness and refuse to bow before You and see that You are God and that this is a human being? That this daughter's life has already and will be changed forever for murdering her own child's life? Lord. Save us, I plead, from ourselves. May we see the devastation of this. How are our hearts so apathetic to this? How can we stay silent? How can we not cry out? How can we not fight? How can we not share the truth and plead that they know You? 

I knew in my heart what they had already determined in their hearts. I knew that we would be unable to break through. 
But, You, O Lord, can. Only You. 
You are the only One who could break through mine.  
You are the only One who can heal anyone's heart.
So we beg for You to open us and heal us and heal those who come. For You to heal this woman and her daughter. 

But then I am reminded "that all the dark can't stop the light from getting through" as my church family sang yesterday in together.  

From Is He Worthy? by Andrew Peterson

And, I'm reminded of another Rock. 

O Lord, My Rock and my Redeemer
Gracious Savior of my ruined life 
My guilt and cross laid on Your shoulders 
In my place You suffered, bled and died 
You rose, the grave and death are conquered

You broke my bonds of sin and shame

O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer

May all my days bring glory to Your Name

From: O Lord, My Rock and My Redeemer by Sovereign Grace Worship

This cannot make sense and this cannot be helped without You. O Lord, break their bondage and may they KNOW You.

We trust You, Lord and we know that You are good.

Be glorified.

Why we fight with joy and expectancy

Tonight was the annual banquet at Birth Choice Crisis Pregnancy Clinic. A night was anticipated and planned for months, pretty much the entire year: we are a non-profit, so we plan a huge hoopla like this to make our biggest bang-of-the-buck to keep going and to celebrate. 

Celebrate?
With something so serious and so heavy, how can we celebrate? 

Because, as Dr. Tony Evans reminded us tonight, we are a well-lit location in a dark situation. Our clinic sits there with great expectancy at the Lord's work in how He changes lives and takes the mess of us and makes us miracles. 

These girls come in the middle of the apex of their crisis, their mess, their hopeless NO-WAY-OUT... 
and they hear the GOSPEL. 
They find out they are NOT just a statistic. 
They may not be strong enough, but there is ONE who IS and will give them HOPE: joyful expectancy about tomorrow, no matter their situation because now they know Jesus, the lover and life-changer of the WORLD. 

 Is He Worthy? by Andrew Peterson 

There are many tears and many fears: that these girls have, that the fathers of these babies have, that their families have, that WE have! But, how great and wondrous is our GOD!! Crisis in life drives us to a crossroads, and we realize that He has been there the WHOLE time, but suddenly we see the great light in the darkness. 

Dr. Tony Evans spoke to this truth: this is why we do what we do. This is why you partner with us in prayer, in encouragement, in gifts, in time, in finances: because it reaches and changes LIVES eternally. 

So, as the Getty's sing in their song, O Church Arise: this is our call to war!!! To love the captive soul and rage against the captor, our enemy, Satan! And (my own addition) also, his tools: abortion!
This is a spiritual battle more than anything else! 


Because abortion is one of the greatest abominations that there is, not just because of the social ramifications, not even, though horrific and staggering, just because of the murder that it is, but greatest of all because it is a direct attack on God. 

How? 

Because an attack on the unborn is an attack on the most innocent and defenseless of God's image bearers. It's murder of God's image bearers on the throne of inconvenience. This is violence of the most extreme and ugly of proportions. And the statistics of how many lives are lost are staggering. 

So, how can we have hope and how can we have joy in the midst of such horror and such hopelessness, such mess, such struggle? 

Not by our efforts, not by our strength, but the hope that we have: Jesus Christ. He loved and saved us. He is here not just to save the physical life of His image-bearers, these babies, but to save the eternal lives of these mamas, changing their lives and their outlook and therefore, changing the life of these babies, eternally.  

What about instances of rape, incest and abuse? 

I would ask, wouldn't these women need this hope that much more? Jesus Christ is the One who can shine into the darkness of their situations and give them healing, hope and even forgiveness. Protect them and bring the men to justice, but do not advocate for the murder of her child, bringing her even more trauma. I've personally seen the hope that Birth Choice has brought to women in situations of unplanned pregnancy in situations as dire as this. 

So, we fight and look forward to tomorrow with expectancy, knowing that Jesus is a life-changer. And that's for eternity. 

After the Last Tear Falls by Andrew Peterson

How? Is it worth it? 

Even just to save one life, of course it is. 

Little Things with Great Love (cover) 


So, thank you. 
Your prayers, your encouragement, your time, your efforts, they are most certainly not in vain. 
This is life-changing work, folks. 
And, you are a part of it. 
And, I love you for it. 
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. 

Psalm 23 (Surely Goodness, Surely Mercy) by Shane and Shane

     

     

     

       

(These are only a very small few of all the wonderful people that were gathered tonight. It was so encouraging to see so many people who love Jesus, love Birth Choice, the clients and the unborn all together in one room, as our head nurse, Kim Mayer, reminded me before the event began. 

What a privilege to gather and be with you all.)

When the Ordinary Starts to Become Extraordinary

Sometimes it's very easy to see what is missing. To feel that ache inside and frantically look for what can fix it. Sometimes it's right in front of us. 

The Lord says in His Word, "Be still and KNOW that I am God." 

We need to rest. We need to be still. We need to see what is around us. That's when the ordinary becomes extraordinary. The incredible is right in front of us and sometimes we miss it while we are waiting or jumping into the next adventure that catches our eye. 

The little buds on the trees, the tiny wildflowers poking their crowns through the rough grass. Hints of soft green coloring what used to be brown. New life. Resurrection. Rebirth. 

It's all around us. Yes, there is so much heartache and death. I work there. You do, too. But, there is so much life. 

It's when we learn to be still and silent that we begin to see it and hear it. When we stop that we aren't missing out anymore. 

I wasn't going to post this song, but I feel like it might bless you as much as it has blessed me. 

Do what is in front of you. Enjoy what is in front of you. There's beauty there. Don't miss out on what is here while you are out looking for something else. Do it with love. Do it because Christ is in it. Do it because He loved us first and loves us most. 

Little Things with Great Love (cover)

A Prayer for the Broken

Oh Lord, 
What do we do with our one broken heart? 
We can only lay it out before You. 
Do not let it harden,
or go to sleep, 
or wallow. 
But, cause us to present it before You, open and ready for Your use, 
as humble, messed-up and in need of healing as we are. 
Heal us. 
Deliver us from evil. 
Save us from the evil one. 
Seal us with Your Spirit. 

It hurts and it will continue to as long as we live, but it will hurt less than if we close it up and let it shrivel and die. 
Do not let us. 
Do not let us shut it down. 
Uproot up the weeds, prune the bad fruit and cut us open to drain the poison. Do not let us die slowly, but heal fully in our souls in Your powerful Spirit who rose Jesus Christ from the dead. 
We believe in this Resurrection Power, because it has brought our hearts to life, too. 
Thank You. 
We love You. 
We love You because You loved us first. 
Awaken us. 
Make us look up. 
Fill our eyes with light. 
Fill our hearts with peace that passes understanding. 
We love you. 
We worship. 
We praise You. 
Thank You for loving us. 

The Power of a Great Affection  by Andrew Peterson

Philippians 1- our affection for each other and encouragement

Ephesians 3:14-21- prayer for spiritual strength through the power of the Holy Spirit 

Revelation 22:1-5- our future hope

Hope Songs

When It's Coming 

Sounds of spring gently grow, fading from the wild winter woes to the thriving thrones,

whispers: "I'm coming... 

We will no longer sleep...  

We will no longer weep... 

The seeds sown will reap, reap the harvest sown in fall.

The winter's snowy blanket helped us grow. 

The tiny seeds that He did sow have died and are reborn to grow. 

A plentiful harvest is coming. 

A plentiful harvest to grow." 

The frogs from the bogs gently sing their songs of spring's coming dawn. The doe in her throe over her dear, eases and kindly watches over her fawn, sleeping soundly through the wet winter rain: 
"Spring is coming. 

We will frolic again, 
running like the wind, 
leaping through the lawns." 

She sighs and nestles down, waiting somewhat patiently. 
She knows not what tomorrow holds; we will see what unfolds. 

But, hope is rising with the sun. 

Because, even in darkness, love's not done. 

Faith grows with the Son. 

Light's love 

Flickering flame gently falls across my face 

and quietly fills up the space, 

casting darkness from this place 

and the gloomiest thoughts, it will chase. 

We will rise in the morn, 

though pained right now, with tears and scorn, 

though hard-pressed and ever worn, 

We will rise in the morn

Light reveals all around 

No hidden thing won't be found 

Captured up, safe and sound, 

Victory drums will pound 

From Cages, to Marvelous Light, to Rest

I am the Samaritan woman at the well who had 5 husbands. (John 4) When my heart's desire to be filled with anything other than Christ and I run, filling it and I am not satisfied, I despair. 

Then I wonder if I am not saved. 

But, salvation is not the concern, but satisfaction. 

I am saved, but I am not filled with the contentment of the love of the One who made me for Himself, not sparing His Own Beloved Son to make me His. 
Instead, this terrifies me and overwhelms me and pretty soon, everything else does. 
And, it's as though I have become a seductive, but rabid creature- starving and mad, consuming whatever I desire, but it is not enough. It is never enough. Hungry. Always, hungry. Hungering. 

Cages by NeedToBreathe

Because. 
Only Jesus Christ is enough. 

Only He can satisfy. He is the Living Water. (John 4) 
Yes, He saves me from my sins, but He forgives them and fills me with Himself, restoring and redeeming and healing me- making me more than a conqueror. (Romans 8:28-30) Killing my pride. 
It's Him. It's always been Him. 

So, when I seek out my shelters and my comforts and they don't satisfy me anymore... 

It's God's mercy. 
He's uprooting me so that He can root me back in Himself. 

Help My Unbelief by Red Mountain Music


He's prying up the rotting layers of hardwoods and subflooring of my heart to fill up that dank, dark hole filled with grime. 
He's going to dig out the disease, like a surgeon, cutting to drain the infection, cutting and making a wound to heal the body. 

To make me whole. 
To fill me with Him. 
To plant Himself in the story of my heart. 
To water it with His Son and Spirit, revealing His love to me, like sunshine in the darkness, filling me with joy, like the warmth of sunbeams and with peace, like a cool breeze. 

And I will rest. 
I don't need to know anymore or control anymore. 

He's got me. 
And it's enough. 
It's the beginning of something new. 
Restoration. 
Redemption. 

Marvelous Light by Ellie Holcomb 

"Thou hast made us for Thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in Thee." -Augustine of Hippo 

What great mercy this is, O God! 
All I have is Christ is the great and thankful cry of our hearts for otherwise we would settle for mud pies instead of the wedding feast. 
We would succumb to our enemies or fall into temptation, remaining slaves to sin, if not for Your gracious mercy on us. 
Thank You for saving us. 

"We rest on Thee, our Shield and our Defender, 
Thine is the battle, Thine shall be the praise.
When passing through, the gates of pearly splendor, 
Victors, we rest with Thee, through endless days." 
(4th verse of the hymn We Rest on Thee)

We were made for relationship in Him; to rest in Him and receive the free gift of Jesus Christ. 

He DID IT. 

It had nothing to do with my surrendering or striving. 

It had everything to do with the blood of Jesus. 

Nothing but the Blood of Jesus  

We aren't too late, too gone, too sinful, too stiff-necked, too doubting, too fearful to know that Jesus Christ saves and loves us. 
That doesn't mean we won't still struggle, but His love is greater!!!! (James 1; Romans 8; Hebrews 12)

Brighter Days by Eddie Kirkland

It saves us and transforms us more and more after Jesus Christ, the image of God, the Father, the Most HIGH God! 

That is AWESOME NEWS! 
Praise the Lord! 

May the Lord give you peace and comfort in the love of Jesus Christ. 

Ubi Caritas arr. by Maurice Durufle 

The Song of my Heart!

I am a fragile woman. One who has carried her brokenness just beneath the surface, waiting for it to be filled. I nursed my wounds with self-pity and pride, in secret and in quiet. A woman pharisee. The older brother in the story of the prodigal. And yet... inside, I was the woman at the well from Samaria, the woman who was impure from bleeding for twelve years. 

I was so desperate for attention, but when anyone got close, I held them at a distance unless I thought it was safe, then drowning them in the pain that I had nursed for years, building silently inside of me. 

You can be free. 

You can be SET free. 

He can do it. 

HE can make you WHOLE. 

Not the way you were. 

BETTER. 

HIGHER. 

GREATER. 

No longer fragile. Not bouncing back. 

MORE than a conqueror! (Romans 8:28-39)

This is the song that has been in my heart tonight as He reminds me of Who He is and who I am. This is the song that can be true for you, too because of Who He is! 

Broken pieces; broken hearts

Broken mind, with broken parts

Heart that tears itself apart

Heart that with sin won't part 

Mess it up and fall again 

Can't get out; don't know when, 

When I'll break out of this pen- 

I'm penned up with all the doubt again 

I fear the fear will burn right through 

Burn through this heart, tear it in two 

Into two pieces of stone, dark blue 

Will it ever be made new? 

But...

You saved me. 

You made me. 

You said that You love me and will not let me go. 

You sent Him. 

We killed Him. 

The One Who was the Son of Man

The One Who killed death and sin

The One for Whom we will go! 

Kill the old, feed the new 

For we were dead- now, live with You! 

You gave us hearts made brand new: 

Healed and healing though broken, too

We are Yours, made for Your cause: 

Be still, there's peace: rest and pause 

Glory, honor and applause 

to the One Who saved us from sin's jaws 

He will reign forevermore 

We will glory and adore 

Worship and bow down before 

The One Who rose up from death's door 

I will praise You 

Adore You 

My God and my Master, Creator and Redeemer! 

Jesus Christ IS 

My Forever Bliss 

The One Who atoned and loved, bled and died

Who Was, Who Is, Who Will Be! 

Forever and ever Steadfast Love is HE! 

The Son of Man: 

Our Savior, our God! 

The amazing part of all this 

of all this Forever Bliss 

is before I even knew I'm His

He decided and foreknew, 

before He created 

He knew who He made His 

and wrote it on the page of my heart

from before the beginning, before the start