This day was bright and crisp, shining with the sun's liquid rays of gold.
And yet, the light seemed unable to break through this woman's heart or her young daughter's heart.
Cold.
I felt as though I was speaking to a boulder.
Solid. Rigid. Unmovable. Unrelenting.
Before the daughter was out of the ultrasound room, the mother was on the phone.
"I want to schedule an abortion."
As, they left, our nurse and client advocate who met with her, spoke the truth and lovingly called after, "we will be in touch. Thank you for coming and for listening."
I could not stop the tears from coming to my eyes.
I could not stop the tears from flowing down my face.
This woman's heart has been so deeply wounded by her own sin and the sins of others that she has taught her daughter the same thing. The hardness was impenetrable.
I almost felt as though I was crying because they could not feel it for themselves. But, then to lift it up. Lift it up to the only One who sees all of this and the parts that I cannot see.
O Lord. Why are our hearts so hard? Why do we continue in our wickedness and refuse to bow before You and see that You are God and that this is a human being? That this daughter's life has already and will be changed forever for murdering her own child's life? Lord. Save us, I plead, from ourselves. May we see the devastation of this. How are our hearts so apathetic to this? How can we stay silent? How can we not cry out? How can we not fight? How can we not share the truth and plead that they know You?
I knew in my heart what they had already determined in their hearts. I knew that we would be unable to break through.
But, You, O Lord, can. Only You.
You are the only One who could break through mine.
You are the only One who can heal anyone's heart.
So we beg for You to open us and heal us and heal those who come. For You to heal this woman and her daughter.
But then I am reminded "that all the dark can't stop the light from getting through" as my church family sang yesterday in together.
From Is He Worthy? by Andrew Peterson
And, I'm reminded of another Rock.
O Lord, My Rock and my Redeemer
Gracious Savior of my ruined life
My guilt and cross laid on Your shoulders
In my place You suffered, bled and died
You rose, the grave and death are conquered
Gracious Savior of my ruined life
My guilt and cross laid on Your shoulders
In my place You suffered, bled and died
You rose, the grave and death are conquered
You broke my bonds of sin and shame
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer
May all my days bring glory to Your Name
This cannot make sense and this cannot be helped without You. O Lord, break their bondage and may they KNOW You.
We trust You, Lord and we know that You are good.
Be glorified.
