I haven't been sure how this year would pan out from the beginning of it, but I certainly didn't think that I would end up here.
So, I start out 2016- a freshly-graduated adult, who is trying to figure it all out. Alright, I thought, let's try and get a teaching job; that's what you have a degree in, that's what you need to do.
So, I did.
I taught February to May for a teacher who was on maternity leave and it was a good and formative experience, but I was still asking myself: are you really supposed to be a teacher? Maybe.
Come summer, I have decided, NO! I am not teaching, instead, I am going to nanny and figure things out. After a saga of yes and no's and multiple ups and downs, I have a job, and I am nannying for a family who just moved to town a couple weeks before.
Praise God, I have a job.
Well, a couple weeks in, and I am wondering: what am I doing?
I was more exhausted and spent than ever and very discouraged.
I was going to stick it out, though.
But, then, things just stopped. No more job after 3 weeks (almost a whole month.) I was surprised, kinda sad, but mostly, very relieved and thankful. I started applying for teaching jobs and for other various jobs out there. Maybe I had been running away from teaching this whole time.
Okay, I thought, what now, Lord? What am I supposed to do?
As I prayed and read scripture, it became very clear to me that I didn't need to focus on what I should be doing as much as I should be focusing on knowing the Lord better. He made it very clear to me in this nanny job that I needed to be more grounded in truth.
"I love you and I want you to know me better." (John 14:6-7) I strongly felt this from Him. "I want you to stop looking for how you can work for me and let me show you what I want to do in you and with your life." (John 15; Jer. 29:11-14; Is. 61:1-4)
Okay. Yes. What is this work that the Lord wants to do? I knew I wouldn't get the answer right away. But, reading scripture and praying, the Lord starting showing me that I have been looking for a plan and fitting myself to any plan I could and labeling it: "God's work for me to do" instead of just letting go of the false identity and trusting Him with my whole life. Time to start letting go.
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| Outdoor Bible time is really good for the soul |
What happened those first two weeks of unemployment isn't what would have happened one month before. I was proactive, putting myself out there, investing in my church, working on projects. Before, I was paralyzed, believing the lie that there was no way out and forgetting that the Lord was in control. This was work of the Lord, reminding me, "I love you and I will take care of you. Fear not, for if I am taking care of your soul, I will take care of means to provide for yourself." (Matt. 6:25-34)
Friends, please, please, please realize that this is the Lord's work.
I cannot take any credit, for when I was at work, I was moping around and worrying about what was next and falling apart.
(Eph. 2; 3:14-21; 2 Cor 5:11-21)
(Eph. 2; 3:14-21; 2 Cor 5:11-21)
Well, it came down to this, the wife of one of the pastor's at my church and I were painting our new church building (actually, I think we were even painting his office, hope that it looks okay! haha) when she mentioned that the woman who was the lead receptionist at Birth Choice was going to be leaving around Thanksgiving. She just wanted to let me know in case I wanted to apply. I thanked her, touched that she would think of me, and sort of dismissed in my mind. After all, I was looking for a music teaching job and was waiting to hear back from a likely prospect.
But, then as I thought more and more about it, I remembered several things. Things that the Lord had quietly put in my heart as He has been pursuing and loving me all of these years.
1) When I was 15, the Lord strongly impressed on me that women and girls needed to know that purity and healing comes from what Christ has done for us on the cross and is possible because He laid our sin in the grave and left it there when He conquered death and rose again. (Rom. 3:21-31)
2) Numerous experiences happening in my life, causing me to be very against pro-choice, very for the redemption and love of broken women and girls and their healing, very pro-life and very pro-adoption. (Rom. 5; 2 Cor 4 and 5, Is. 61:1-4)
3) I am extremely relational and very overwhelmed with trying to invest/teach multiple people at once, but thrive in the one-on-one or small group setting and thrive on completing many little tasks exactly as desired. (Rom. 10)
So, I asked my pastor's wife to talk request an application on my behalf, filled it out and went in that Thursday September 15th to meet this Chris lady with my hard copy of my application for the lead receptionist job in hand.
(Pretty crazy: I had a teaching interview lined up the next day and all.)
Well, Tuesday September 20th, I went back in to Birth Choice to ask to accept the job, if they would have me.
I will start training under the amazing lady, Britt, who is working there currently October 17th.
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| This may seem random, but looking at light
through God's creation is so meaningful.
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I am so thankful for all these ups and downs because I see the Lord's providential working in it all and how He has taught me some amazing truths and brought me to some places of brokenness to heal me from lies and to believe more in His truth. Because of Christ, we can believe in the love and the grace that God extends to us and realize the goodness of the Lord. (2 Cor. 3)
He was in all of this.
And, I am, again, amazed and thankful.
