Lack of Control and Closure

New beginnings of old endings. 

I will start student teaching soon, as will several other education pals. 
What seems almost incomprehensible to me is the fact that many of my pals have just recently graduated and are thrust into the new challenges of teaching and having or pursuing a full-time occupation. Pretty exciting. And terrifying. It feels strange to be done with classes and yet not have the closure of graduating, and yet, I am thankful for the oppurtunity to have more time to figure out what is next: teaching, working, grad school, where I will live, who I will live with. 

I am realizing more and more that this was only the beginning: the end of the start. 
I am excited and thankful for many more adventures. And, yet I also must admit that I am a little terrified, but then, who isn't? Time to seize the day and enjoy it. 

"Why not seize the pleasure at once, how often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparations." -Jane Austen

Jane Austen had grasped something there that I am still learning: while there is need for a healthy amount of preparation, there is also the need to relax in realizing that we cannot control the outcomes of life and that many moments are ruined by needless worrying. 

The Lord is continually reminding me that if He cares about the birds that fly, and the beauty of the lilies, how much more does He care about His children? Will He not provide for our needs? Has He not planned out how He would care for them from the beginning of time? Why then do I worry? 

I have realized it is my constant striving to understand and to grasp for control; He is teaching me that I have never had control, but that He gives me the choice to trust Him and the control that He has. 
It teaches me to see myself as I truly am and to see Him as He truly is, and that one day I will see fully, as will all of His children who believe in the power, sacrifice, and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ. And I am thankful.