waiting with patience in the Strength of His Might...

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." -Psalm 126:5

"It is good that we should have to submit to what we do not understand. It teaches us the laws of faith and hope. 

It is good that we should have to do what we should rather not, in circumstances not of our choice. 

It is good that there should be always something to prick us on, something to remind us that we are in an enemy's country, belong to a marching column. 

It is good that we should meet with checks and failures in what we undertake, to keep us humble and prayerful. 

All these things belong to sowing in tears. 

God seems to have laid out the order of things in His Church, not for a general and brilliant triumph but for the hidden sanctification of the individual souls which compose it." 
-Janet Erskine Stuart from Prayer in Faith

Friends, press on! March on! Fight on! 

"Wrestling, loneliness, impatience- for our hidden sanctification. The trial of our faith is a thing more precious than gold. Must we go for the gold? We must." -Elizabeth Elliot from Quest for Love

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, I ought to speak." -Ephesians 6:10-20 

"Because we are sinners and live in a fractured world, we must have tribulation. Jesus promised it- but (don't forget) He added, "Cheer up! I have overcome the world!" 
Therefore, it is as we realistically name and accept the truth about ourselves that we come to see that He alone it the Living Fountain. He alone can save us from ourselves." 
-Elizabeth Elliot from Quest for Love

We may not understand our present situation, circumstances, state of physical body, spiritual mind, or emotional heart, but we can know for certain the gospel which brings us true peace- not the peace we can search for and find of our own accord, but the peace of God which He gives willingly, gladly, and freely. Let us trust the One who knows us better than we know ourselves and who loves us more purely and unconditionally than we could ever even love ourselves. Let us wait with patience for Him and serve Him faithfully. 

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation had been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. 

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom He predestined He also called, and those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified." -Romans 8:18-30 

"So, we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight in glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to things that are seen but to things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." -2 Cor. 4:16-18

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the One who died- more than that, who was raised- who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,  

"For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." (Ps. 44:22)

No, in all theses things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:31-39

So then, friends, we have NOTHING to fear but God Himself- and fear Him reverently, recognizing and repenting from what we truly were and turning to God, knowing HE is God and He is good and so so so merciful.

How humbling and yet so confidence building- confidence in the One who is our Strength and our Might. 

Live like we are dying

Sometimes we spend so much time trying to get back to where we were that we don't see what is going on right in front of us. 

I was so impressed with the movie The Great Gatsby that just came out and I thought it was very well done. But, what struck me most, was the blind and false hope of Gatsby that was so pitiful and pitiable and yet so relatable. 

"You're wrong old sport. You're wrong about the past." Gatsby said this to Nick who told him that he couldn't relive his past with Daisy. 

Gatsby was so desperately clinging to a hope: that if he could relive the past, it would undo any heartache and pain he or Daisy or anyone else went through. But, he couldn't and neither could Daisy. And, I was so struck by the lifestyle of Gatsby in all its splendor and deliciously disgusting excessiveness... And all its emptiness and brokenness and its hazy, wild obscurity. 

And I realized that we are like Gatsby. We try to fill our lives with interesting things and interesting people, grasping onto anything we can that we want and that we think will make us feel better even if it kills them and us. We try to distract ourselves from the problem and we try to hold onto the past and relive it- to make it better. We think the grass was greener there. But, we are left with a hangover of obscurity and confusion and unstable emotions of frustration, anger, and emptiness along with whatever else may lurk in our hearts that we tried to bury and fill and escape. No, recreating the past is not the answer and is far from possible. 

But, sometimes we can be so wrapped up in the moment that we fail to realize the consequences of our actions or to learn from previous actions' consequences. We do it now because it is accessible and it is easy and it is fun. We do it now because we do not want to think about yesterday and we do not want to think of tomorrow- we think about the moment. We love the thrill and the adventure and the adrenaline rush. But, tomorrow comes and we realize we did not plan for the future and now it is here and it is changed forever. 

But, still, on the other end of the spectrum, we can worry away our future and plan away our lives so that all we think about is tomorrow. We can plan so much for tomorrow that we do not live today and we miss out on the people, the plans, the lessons of life around us. 

I think the problem is that we can over-analyze, over-do, and worry away anything and everything in our lives. And we can run away from work and laying down our pride and our insecurities. We fight it. Hard. 

So how should we live then? How do we stop the vicious cycle? 

I think the key is understanding and rejoicing in the gospel and the character of God, and contentment, and thankfulness. 

About the past, well, sometimes we just won't understand. But, we do know the gospel and the character of God because of His word and His Holy Spirit and the example we see in our brothers and sisters of Christ who faithfully live it out because of Christ!!! 

I can't say it better than the song Farther Along, lyrics by W.A. Fletcher in 1911. (link to song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IctD9l4F-ag )

Farther along we’ll know all about it 

Farther along we’ll understand why 

Cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine 

We’ll understand this, all by and by 

Tempted and tried, I wondered why 

The good man died, the bad man thrives

And Jesus cries because he loves em’ both 

We’re all cast-aways in need of ropes 

Hangin’ on by the last threads of our hope 

In a house of mirrors full of smoke 

Confusing illusions I’ve seen 

Where did I go wrong, I sang along 

To every chorus of the song 

That the devil wrote like a piper at the gates 

Leading mice and men down to their fates 

But some will courageously escape 

The seductive voice with a heart of faith 

While walkin’ that line back home 

So much more to life than we’ve been told 

It’s full of beauty that will unfold 

And shine like you struck gold my wayward son 

That deadweight burden weighs a ton 

Go down into the river and let it run 

And wash away all the things you’ve done 

Forgiveness alright 

Chorus 

Still I get hard pressed on every side 

Between the rock and a compromise 

Like the truth and pack of lies fightin’ for my soul 

And I’ve got no place left go 

Cause I got changed by what I’ve been shown 

More glory than the world has known 

Keeps me ramblin’ on 

Skipping like a calf loosed from its stall 

I’m free to love once and for all 

And even when I fall I’ll get back up 

For the joy that overflows my cup 

Heaven filled me with more than enough 

Broke down my levee and my bluff 

Let the flood wash me 

And one day when the sky rolls back on us 

Some rejoice and the others fuss 

Cause every knee must bow and tongue confess 

That the son of god is forever blessed 

His is the kingdom, we’re the guests 

So put your voice up to the test 

Sing Lord, come soon 

We have so much to be thankful for- let us rejoice and be glad because of the gospel and move forward proclaiming it, my friends! 

Let us live today, looking back on the grace of God seen in the traces of our past, living in His grace tomorrow, preparing for and longing for Christ to return!!! This is our purpose: to work hard and long for Christ to come back so that we do not waste today, but live today, thankful for HE who is not held or overcome by time or death. He is the Creator of time and the Conqueror of death and let us rejoice in it! 

May we not run from the life God has for us, longing for old times, searching for new times, and hoping for something better- hope and faith and love were there and are here and will be there! Let us cling to it! It is Christ!!! 

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." -Hebrews 12:1-2 (but read the rest of the chapter- soooo good!) 

Let us realize that God is sovereign. Let us realize that He is good. 

"I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD." - Jeremiah 29:10b-14a

Let us realize His word and His promises are good and trustworthy because He fulfills them and they are true.  

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes, fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones." -Proverbs 3:5-8

We often forget the wretched state of hearts before God unveiled our eyes to the light of the gospel as scripture talks about in 2 Corinthians 4. May we remember our state and Christ's state- not being insecure in our inability to be good enough which is false humility and not being secured in false hope that we are good enough to deserve it which is pride. 

I love the word of Shane and Shane's song Embracing Accusation: (link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6o5bmfZmbg )

The father of lies 
Coming to steal 
Kill and destroy 
All my hopes of being good enough 
I hear him saying cursed are the ones 
Who can't abide 
He's right 
Alleluia he's right! 

The devil is preaching 
The song of the redeemed 
That I am cursed and gone astray 
I cannot gain salvation 
Embracing accusation 

Could the father of lies 
Be telling the truth 
Of God to me tonight? 
If the penalty of sin is death 
Then death is mine 
I hear him saying cursed are the ones 
Who can't abide 
He's right 
Alleluia he's right! 

Oh the devil's singing over me 
An age old song 
That I am cursed and gone astray 
Singing the first verse so conveniently 
He's forgotten the refrain 
Jesus saves!

My favorite part is the build to the simple words: Jesus saves!!! So beautiful and so powerful. So much joy to be had, dear friends. May we be imitators of Christ in the joy of the grace of Christ!! 

"So, if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility, count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore, God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, on heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." -Philippians 2:1-11 

I will leave you all with a psalm for giving thanks: Psalm 100

"Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth! 

Serve the LORD with gladness! 

Come into His presence with singing! 

Know that the LORD, He is God! 

It is He who made us, and we are His, 

we are His people, the sheep of His pasture. 

Enter His gates with thanksgiving, 

and His courts with praise! 

Give thanks to Him; bless His name! 

For the LORD is good; 

His steadfast love endures forever, 

and His faithfulness to all generations."

Some closing musings and a poem on this semester's end

It's over. The semester is done.

Half way through.... It went by pretty fast. It feels like I blinked and there went half a year. So much happened. Scary stuff. Sad stuff. Crazy stuff. Joyful stuff. Awesome stuff. I would not change anything except, perhaps, my attitude at some parts of it.

One thing I have learned specifically is that it is good to work hard. It is good to focus on what is working out in your life. It is good to praise God for what He is doing in your life. It is good to praise His name! He is worthy of all our praise.

I was reading Revelation 3:1-3 and I was struck by the message from God through John to the church of Sardis: " 'I know your works. You have the reputation of being alive, but you are dead. WAKE UP! (my capitalization for emphasis here) and strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your works complete in the sight of my God. Remember, then, what you received and hear. Keep it, and repent. If you will not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what hour I will come against you." 

I was convicted and wowed by its message to the church of Sardis, to the church today across the world, and to me as I read: lazy "eye-service" Christianity without our hearts involved is not being a follower of Christ. To live life obeying the rules and reading the scriptures and doing what we are commanded to do is not enough. We need to do it with our whole hearts. If we live and people praise us for living as "good" Christians, may we thank and praise God for the transformation He is doing in our lives and work all the harder to push back sin and complete the good works He has prepared for us! Let us not sit back and think, "Okay, I figured this Christianity thing out now." Let us run the race with endurance and wait for the bridegroom with oil ready in our lamps, awaiting Him long into the night with great anticipation!
Even though the semester is done, our work is not! We are always called to good works in Christ Jesus. So, let us not grow weary of doing good, but with prayer and supplication present our requests to God, the Author and Perfector of our faith in Christ. He will be at work in us and give us strength to press on: this is the beauty of GRACE manifested in us!!!

This is a poem that I wrote about these thoughts:

 

I see the work in you

It's wearing you down

All you try and you do

Try hard while wearing a frown

But, you were made new

Ashes replaced with a crown

500 shades of bright blue

now cover you too

 

We were made to work hard

Laborers we are meant to be

Twisted by our disregard

So restless we can be

Jars of clay- broken shard

Work, repair a broken me

This is who we are-

Broken souls, broken we

 

So press on, oh press on

Run hard, run fast

This life isn't meant to last

But, it will pass before we know it

So don't focus on the past

Work hard with eyes above

Work hard work with love

 

Sometimes we don't know who we are

Sometimes we don't go very far

Sometimes we run around in circles

 trying to mend the broken jar

But, if we see the light above-

how it fills our hearts with love

Shards won't matter, we will work

until we reach the end

 

Sometimes we won't see a result

We won't gain riches or fame

We will go on anonymous-

no glory to our name

But, what is in a name

if it has empty fame?

If it brings us glory we who are damned?

 

So thank God He has saved

Thank God that He loves us

Thank God for His grace

that lightens our face

Love will replace

sin's ugly, empty face

It's mask of sadness, doubt, sickness, and death

 

You give each breath

Praise You

Praise God

No longer damned sinners are we

Glory, honor, power be

Never to me

But, to God who redeemed us

and set us all free

 

By His Spirit, we are anointed

By His inheritance, we are appointed

By His redemption, we are adopted

Captives broken free

Prison break

For Christ's sake

Glory make

 

Hallelujah, Allelu

Sing for me, sing for you

Sing for the glory that lives in each of us



Irish Endeavors: It's really happening.

Well, it's really going to happen.

About three months ago, my life looked significantly different. I never thought I would go three months ago. It started as a little dream. About two months ago, stumbling into IOI, it started to look possible to go, and I realized that this dream was much bigger than me. Whenever I tried anything in my power to make anything happen, things would fall through. But, God wanted to show that I am merely a jar of clay and the surpassing power belongs to Him and not to me.


So, two months ago began the crazy journey of possibilities becoming realities. And, oh wow... I realized that this was quite impossible to do alone. Aaron Hardin, from IOI, projected that I would need about $4,000 to afford this trip. I was about half way there from being awarded a $2,000 scholarship after my tuition was paid, and I had hope. But, $2,000 more is a lot to try and conjure up in little to no time at all. So, I sent out support letters at the beginning of April and started preparing for a huge fundraising opportunity. Mary Spellings, from The Art in the Village Gallery in Casey Jones Village provided me with an opportunity to set up a booth for free alongside 30+ other local artists during the Spring Festival to sell artwork to make money to go to Ireland. April 27th from 9AM to 5PM would be the big day at Casey Jones Village during the Spring Festival. I awaited it with anticipation, painting little watercolor cards in bulk.

Many ceramics art major friends also donated some of their beautiful original mugs for me to sell. 19 mugs were donated.

I painted three bird houses and three paintings.

This one was called "Seasons of Growing"- Alice Nettles, my mentor bought it.

This one was called "Wonder"- bought by my friend, Jameson Winter.

Also many friends and ladies from my church donated cookies that they made for the occasion. Several people from church also let me borrow things to use, such as a table, a little cooler, chairs, painting stands, and more. Things were looking good and everyone was getting very excited about coming to the fundraiser. My friend, Lizi Fraiser, made this poster for the fundraiser.

Then, the weather was looking starting looking more and more gloomy with each glance at the forecast. I started to pray that it wouldn't rain. Of course, it poured with thunder and lightening. That day started in some of the worst ways possible: the Spring Festival was canceled, I woke up an hour late without very much sleep, and rain rain raaiiinn....

I could have tried to drag everything out to Casey Jones anyway, but I decided that I would try and just sell my things out of my room at school. So, after some conviction of bad attitude and determination not to let this dampen my spirits, I started to let people know that the fundraiser was happening out of my room. Only minutes later, friends started to show up to by things and to keep me company. I was blown away and humbled by the turnout of the fundraiser. Just how many people showed up and how much they bought and donated blew my mind. God had showed me the work that He had prepared in advance for me to do and then when I put my confidence in my work He foiled my plans to show me that HE would make it happen. Again, I was reminded that this trip and this mission was so much bigger than me. It was about community.

The following weekend, I had started to plan a benefit concert last second with several Union students playing for fun and to try and raise more money for my trip to Ireland. Friday night starting at 7PM on May 3rd at the Casey Jones Village Amphitheater. My new friend, Hilary Borden designed these beautiful posters for the benefit concert.

All the details barely worked out in time. I booked the Casey Jones Village Amphitheater, which cost about $100 (they graciously lowered the cost from $250) and Chris Hare provided and worked the PA system for sound. Again, it looked as though rain would foil our plans, but thankfully, the stage was covered and we decided to just hook everything up on the stage and have everyone stand on the stage with the performers.

Chris Hare, Jameson Winter, and I arrived at 2pm to start setting up. We set up, sound checked, and started about 7:30pm. Some people dropped out last second, and some people were added last second, but about 30 people played in about 20 acts with a turnout of about 70-100 people,

including the performers, come. I had not planned on singing myself, but after one of the singers dropped out, I sang with my friend, Shane Caver, who really wanted to be able to play. It was a lot of fun. It did not stop raining the whole time the concert went on. The concert ended around 11pm and we finished cleaning up and left at about 11:30pm.

I was amazed at the turnout despite the freezing cold and rain, and by the amount of people who stayed until the end of show. It was just a fun night. It was about community and celebration of the body of Christ. I was so blown away again.

After about a month of the two fundraisers and the donations of friends and family from the support letters, I was speechless, humbled, and so so so thankful to say that I had exceeded my goal and I could afford to go to Ireland.

While all this was going on, I was also trying to figure out details for Ireland, because a lot of things were not set in stone yet.

So, now I have a plan ticket to leave June 12th for Belfast, Northern Ireland! I will hopefully be staying with family in Donegal for a few days at the beginning and the end of my trip, then I will be in Strabane for 3 weeks, and then Letterkenny for 3 weeks, focusing on discipleship and relational ministry. I will be spending a lot of time helping and getting to know the churches that have invited me and are hosting me. I will be staying with families from the churches. I have no idea what this summer will present other than adventure and more realization of my need, my friends' need, and the world's need of the gospel. I am so excited to see the beauty of Ireland in its landscapes and its people. I have realized that as breathtaking as hills, mountains, and oceans can be, nothing is more beautiful than the souls of people coming to and being transformed by their Creator.

I have realized that this trip is so much bigger than me. It is not about me at all. It is about community. It is about the body of Christ. And, I am so thankful to be a part of it, and I am so thankful for everyone who is a part of it.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and support.

Isaiah 61

Much Love,

Kait